I asked for the challenge and failed. Or at least I feel like it. I watched the original Sound of Music with my father-in-law tonight, or at least we finished watching the DVD. He told me he could really appreciate it now, that he didn’t care for it when he was younger. He said it made him cry easily.
Crying shouldn’t be a bad thing…but he comes from the school of thought that men shouldn’t show their feelings. He’s been used to keeping them “controlled.” Ever since his wife died last year, he’s had a tough time of it. Understandably, he spent 47 years with her before her untimely and completely unexpected death.
“It’s ok to feel those emotions, “Grandpa” those emotions will help you to grow”
(that was the first response where I stuck thy foot in thy mouth)
“What would she say if she were here right now? Make the best of a bad situation, you can’t quit and give up.”
(and I stick thy foot in thy mouth again)
He promptly excused himself to bed. I was ready to go and tear my hair out. I asked God to help me help him. Grandpa was talking about his feeble attempts to control his emotions and how he was no longer able to do so….something he was unaccustomed to.
Grandpa isn’t a believer and the bible is a “collection” of fictional stories to him. So I really wanted to paint a picture that his heart doesn’t beat on it’s own. He can’t control how or when it beats. It’s controlled by the creator who made him and gave him the gift of his emotions.
Except I got all tongue-tied and completely messed up the opportunity to speak light, life and love into his presence. I missed my chance to be the hands and feet of God. I feel sick.
How many missed chances do I need to get it right? Grand-dad couldn’t leave the room fast enough after the momentum of our conversation got “too deep.”
Notes to Heaven
Speak to me. Make my feeble attempt to serve you become an avenue of your strength. Help me to forgive myself when I falter. It’s only through your grace that what I do has meaning and only with your power can I make a difference.
Don’t ever let me go, because the only place I ever want to be is close to you…safely sheltered in your wings. You are sovereign and with you all IS possible
I’m waiting to hear your whispers, help me to shine your light…
I’m posting two songs tonight. Because I need God to know how much I need him to “hold onto me” and how much His children really do need Him, whether we know (and are willing to accept it) or not.
and I’m also posting Toby Mac: Speak Life because that is my goal on this blog and in life….