Growing My Faith: “It’s Time”

The most difficult part of a writer’s journey, for me, seems to be finding the right words to convey the right message. In this age of social media we have a smorgasbord of options. Do you want to text, tweet, “pin”, tumblr, blog, facebook…there are more – I missed a bunch!  The option at our fingertips to market our ideas, proposals and plans is W-A-Y more than our grandparents could have seen coming in a crystal ball…it’s overwhelming.

I’ve been writing since I was young. I created stories that my mother would “ohh” and “ahh” over. I’ll never forget that she even bought me a subscription to Highlights magazine when I was about 10. I think she hoped it would inspire me to write a story or article and submit it. I loved reading the magazine. I never had the courage to do anything more.

Many years later, in my late teens to early twenties…I tried again. I had been “swimming” in an over-sized fish tank of emotions and writing wasn’t an option. It was all I could do not to drown and just tread water. I did write. I know it was messy. But I do remember giving some of what I wrote to a couple of ladies I was in Junior college with…these two were the motherly type. It didn’t take long to hear back from them. Their responses were beautiful and overtly encouraging. Part of me thinks they were trying not to hurt my feelings. They said my stuff was good, something the magazines would love. Something I should send in and submit to get published.

It’s been a VERY long time since that transpired. I do remember sending query letters and getting back in return the typical, very generic but kindly…thanks for contacting us but no thanks. You can imagine what that did to my esteem. There was no room in a big ocean for a small fish like me.

I never did try again. I knew I couldn’t write what I really NEEDED to write. When I did, I felt like I was writing through a fog. I couldn’t cut through the haze far enough to see what I needed to be coherent.

Oh my gosh, talk about frustrating. I’d start to write something and throw my hands up in frustration. It was a nasty circle of wanting something, knowing it was your destiny…feeling it deep down in your soul – but hearing the still soft voice say: “It’s not your time yet. Be still.”

Arrgghh!

Last week, something happened. I really can’t explain it. Somehow or other the tide is turning. Like a domino effect, one small conversation created a pressure point and from there on “something” has been going on inside me. While the still small voice had gently reassured me to “Be Still”; now it appears to be letting the flood gates open.

Yes, I am nervous. I have been writing as much as I can…which unfortunately isn’t a lot but is very iNteNSe. I listened to the Jonny Diaz song yesterday and nearly posted it on my entry this morning. Although, I choose not to. Because it didn’t fit. Now, it does. However, I don’t necessarily relate to all the lyrics as far as “my story” goes. You may find the same difference. But my favorite parts and the reason I’m including them are self-explanatory:

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don’t buy the lies, disguises and hoops, they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

By the one who’s strong, can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry, all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light, He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl

First and foremost, I’ve never been the model type. I’ve never been “obsessed” with my makeup or hair, at least not to satisfy anyone other than myself.

I’ve posted two versions of this “…Beautiful You” because both tell a the story in very important ways.

One of them is visual and the demonstrated “make over” can be compared to how magazines intentionally (and unfortunately, opt to change a woman’s beauty to “fit” their desires) the second version is so that you can actually see the word’s that Johnny Diaz is singing. They are truth, potent and real.

Last but not least, my journey down my writing road has begun. And because of it, I am walking through the fires of refinement. I didn’t think this day would come, but it has. And now that it’s here I am dumbfounded. It’s hard to keep myself from cracking as I read what I am writing. I guess there was a reason God had said to be patient, to “Be Still” and “listen.” Now is when I have to “bank” on my  faith…and that faith is about to grow in leaps and bounds. Just as the mother and daughter’s appearances were transformed in their styling sesson…I too am anticipating a make over – one that will help make my Light shine brighter and more radiant than ever. I just gotta let God lead the way.

I need your coverage, Jesus. Keep me on the straight and narrow path. You know I can’t do this without YOU.

Kenzel

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