What would I say to you if you were right in front of me?
What do you think about the woman…the person that I’ve become?
To anyone whose mother has died. To anyone who never knew their mother, let alone didn’t get to meet their mother….I believe you will understand.
For those whose Mothers are alive…TREASURE her. Treasure her presence. Bask in her wisdom. Ask her questions and understand who she is.
Because there will come a day….when the laughter will disappear like a vapor. When her smile will have to reside in your memory. When you will have to work to remember her voice, the words she spoke…and you will “pine” for the nuances that made her so uniquely your “MOM.”
The truth is I’m not fond of Mother’s Day. I did once like it – but because of circumstances my perspective has been modified. I have a hard time liking it. And while that may sound like a horrible thing to say, I needed to say it once. I needed to get it off my chest.
I would love to be able to spend time with my Mom again. To give her a hug and hold her once more. To tell her I was blessed just to be hers. To look in her eyes and ask her to forgive me for every last ugly thing I may have ever said when I was acting like a “spoiled brat.” But more than anything, I would love to be able to just sit next to her, to see her beautiful face and not just to sense her presence next to me, but to hold her hand and see her eyes.
I understand what it means to be a Mom now, because of the example God gave to me.
But, Mom…maybe your most important lesson was the one you gave me in the year leading up to your death. I am racking my brain as I go back in time to recall the chain of events that lead to “letting go.” I’m realizing the epitome of my growth is somewhere in there – and especially in the decades since your passing.
I think you might have known what you were up against. Whereas, I didn’t
I think I have to pause my letter to you now…because, because I don’t know if I’m ready to face myself. I’m used to living with a broken heart, and thankfully, God continues to heal it and make it stronger: something only HE can do.
I’ve learned way more about you, and myself, since I’ve been seeking God and committed my life to HIM than I ever imagined I might.
The raw truth, that I didn’t understand before, is that we really don’t start to understand LIFE until we ask God to show us how it works. But, I’ve also learned that when I seek answers from God, the answers I get may not always be from God, himself….I’ve also learned that the enemy will toss a few answers into the mix to confuse and confound us.
When scripture says as James 1:17 states:
New Living Translation (NLT)
I now recognize the enemy wants to usurp God’s position in our life.
I imagine you realized this during your struggle. The enemy works in the shadows…he shuns The Light.
I’m so glad you lived on the foundation of the solid rock of Jesus, Mom. So, grateful you modeled the foundation I needed to model my life after!
But today, Mom…is the day I’ve been looking forward to. It’s when I want to tell you:
How much I still love you.
How much I miss you.
That I will never forget you and I am here, doing what I am doing because God had a purpose for me…and made you part of it.
And the reason Mother’s Day isn’t all that important to me is that
I think of you EVERY-day. You are, You were and always will be the “wind beneath my wings.”
I am writing because you believed in me and your words telling me so still echo in my mind…
and now I have been “called” to write, to inspire, to encourage and to SHINE on, Shine on and on and on.
Thank you always, for your unconditional Love.
Father: Death is a bee sting that lasts forever, for those who don’t know you. The pain of losing someone, but especially a Mother, never goes away….at least and unless, WE know who YOU are. Help those who are reading this, who know that loss…who ache from grief and sorrow to reach out to grab your hand. Help them find you! The burden we carry is heavy but you can take it from us…and lighten our heartache.
Show us your love and fill us with your peace. Death need not consume us – help us hear your voice and answer your call. Fill the void from loss in our hearts and replace it with peace. Help us to love again even though our hearts are broken.
There is peace from the storm wrapped in your arms. And all God’s children said – Amen.