I looked on the floor and noticed a college ruled spiral notebook staring up at me. At the top I had written:
March 1987 – Evening
I read through the “journal-style writing.”
I did not write this in 1987, I’d written this within the past 5-10 years. I’ve never felt led to share any part of what I have written towards the memoir on this blog, until now.
Matthew 11:28-30 New Living Translation (NLT)
28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”
Maybe by presenting a snippet of the story here, it will allow me to continue the journey and face the work ahead.
I walked into the ICU, dazed and numb. I stood next to the bed, staring at my Dad. This seemingly strong, determined, “can-do” anything 59 year old man was laying in a hospital room. Attached to his sturdy, yet earthly frame were a myriad of tubes and life support systems.
Watching him breath in and out, and seeing the machines monitor his body made me cringe and tremble…
“Dad, don’t go. Stay here, please! I need you. You’re all I have left. I can’t lose you, too. We still have a few tennis games to play on the court. You’re my coach…I don’t want another. I’m not ready to give up yet. And I’ve barely gotten to know you. I need more time. It’s too soon.”
I prayed over him. I asked God to give me a miracle. To bring him back. I leaned against the gurney and watched him breathe. Looking at his chest move up and down. Waiting. Asking him to open his eyes. Touching his hand, asking him to squeeze it and tell me he could hear me.
I yearned to give him a hug. I leaned my head against his arm and cried.
I don’t think I’ve cried about that moment since it happened back in 1986. It is just as real today as it was when it happened that night.
But God is good and that is why I am sharing this excerpt, here and now. This is my “free write” time as I get ready to dive in and allow God to do what He does best. Make something beautiful out of all these ashes.