Last Summer I was sitting at my desk and I felt that nudge.
In this moment, I swiveled my chair around and slipped myself to the floor.
‘You must forgive him.”
I started to cry, “I don’t want to do this.”
“You must pray for this or we cannot move forward.”
I am writing this blog post today because I believe there are other Women out there who are caught in a sticky web of lies. They have been trapped by one or more traumatic events in their past, something that has lingered (in the deepest recesses of their mind and memories) for far too long.
Trust is something we all take for granted. We count on the fact that we can TRUST the people around us. When that doesn’t happen; when we have been lied to or betrayed, it affects us.
I trusted the adults around me when I was an adolescent. Unfortunately, that trust was broken. Over a span of years, things happened that caused relationship rifts, fear, and resentment.
What I didn’t know was that when the emotions of fear and resentment arise they WILL turn into a tool of DESTRUCTION. A tool the enemy easily manipulates into a weapon aimed at us, including family.
I have wanted to write a book for FAR TOO LONG. I wanted to write about what happened to me when I was a teen. The longing to write continued into my 20’s and 30’s.
I even gave myself a timeline and said that if I hadn’t written a book by a certain date/age, I was a failure. I SPOKE those words aloud.
Be cautious about the words you speak aloud…they really do have power. What I didn’t understand is that EVERYTHING happens in God’s perfect timing.
And sometimes that perfect timing involves God prompting us to do something we DON’T want to do.
That day last summer, as I spun around in my chair and stared at the floor and out the window. The Spirit was insisting I had to forgive “him.”
Yesterday, I was lead to read about “The Spirit of Alcoholism.” That was very much an eye-opener! The reason I mention this is because the “him” I refer to was a functional “alcoholic.”
God led me to this information. Information that further helped me understand the darkness that I faced in the alcoholics presence.
During that summer afternoon last year, I got on my knees and prayed for the one who caused so much pain. I prayed God would help me to forgive him. For what he had done to me. For what he had said to me. I prayed God would help him find peace.
I knew in that moment that while “he” had caused me great pain, he also was in great pain and needed help. I now understand that he was living in darkness. I needed to intercede on his behalf because no one else would. I needed to turn the other cheek and petition on his behalf that God would help him– to let God work on miracles for his own healing. Alcoholism affects not just the alcoholic but those AROUND them.
I have walked around for 2-3 decades harboring these feelings of betrayal, resentment and bitterness. For what reason? To get back at him!
How does harboring negative feelings inside my mind and body actually get back at him? It doesn’t….
Studies have been done that show that negative emotions that build up inside US actually cause us great harm. As in, when we allow the roots of anger, bitterness and resentment to “sow” within it actually backfires on us; on our bodies and our minds.
If God’s message to us is to be filled with HIS peace and love then where do anger, resentment and bitterness originate from? The enemy; the devil, Satan. The same one who is bent on the idea of coming AT us to steal, kill and destroy.
Back to last summer: Once I was on my knees forgiving him, what I didn’t realize was I was setting off a “chain” of events in the Spiritual Realm. I was actually opening the doors of grace and mercy upon our lives and releasing both of us from the devil’s schemes. By doing so, I gave God and the Holy Spirit the room to begin working on making me –on making us– whole again.
Forgiveness, from the standpoint of our CARNAL world is a very underrated and under appreciated characteristic. I believe that culturally it is viewed as a weakness. Forgiving means we have to put aside our pride and humble ourselves.
Few wish to forgive, fewer offer forgiveness. But it is the very act of Forgiveness that produces that most plentiful Harvest.
Forgiveness gives us Restoration.
Forgiveness Redeems Us — that is exactly WHY Jesus went to the cross. To be our example. To give us a model.
Forgiveness is a stepping stone process. And it is easy to let our human “stubbornness” get in the way. The enemy would like nothing more than for us to remain stubborn and unwilling to change.
I now know the only way to find PEACE is to embrace the POWER Forgiveness has. We have the Cross and because Jesus GAVE us the Power through the cross, we no longer have to be kept tethered to that which keeps us shackled.
And yes, I have more peace now. My memories are still there and I will continue to write them to release them. But their power over me has changed. The tears I cry as I write will now be to help me close the doors on yesterday.
That’s what Forgiveness does.
That’s why Forgiving is so important.