Forgive & Find Strength

Last Summer I was sitting at my desk and I felt that nudge.

In this moment, I swiveled my chair around and slipped myself to the floor.

 

‘You must forgive him.”

I started to cry, “I don’t want to do this.”

“You must pray for this or we cannot move forward.”

 

I am writing this blog post today because I believe there are other Women out there who are caught in a sticky web of lies. They have been trapped by one or more traumatic events in their past, something that has lingered (in the deepest recesses of their mind and memories) for far too long.

Trust is something we all take for granted. We count on the fact that we can TRUST the people around us. When that doesn’t happen; when we have been lied to or betrayed, it affects us.

I trusted the adults around me when I was an adolescent. Unfortunately, that trust was broken. Over a span of years, things happened that caused relationship rifts, fear, and resentment.

What I didn’t know was that when the emotions of fear and resentment arise they WILL turn into a tool of DESTRUCTION. A tool the enemy easily manipulates into a weapon aimed at us, including family.

I have wanted to write a book for FAR TOO LONG. I wanted to write about what happened to me when I was a teen. The longing to write continued into my 20’s and 30’s.

I even gave myself a timeline and said that if I hadn’t written a book by a certain date/age, I was a failure. I SPOKE those words aloud.

Be cautious about the words you speak aloud…they really do have power. What I didn’t understand is that EVERYTHING happens in God’s perfect timing.

And sometimes that perfect timing involves God prompting us to do something we DON’T want to do.

That day last summer, as I spun around in my chair and stared at the floor and out the window. The Spirit was insisting I had to forgive “him.”

Yesterday, I was lead to read about “The Spirit of Alcoholism.” That was very much an eye-opener! The reason I mention this is because the “him” I refer to was a functional “alcoholic.”

God led me to this information. Information that further helped me understand the darkness that I faced in the alcoholics presence.

During that summer afternoon last year, I got on my knees and prayed for the one who caused so much pain. I prayed God would help me to forgive him. For what he had done to me. For what he had said to me. I prayed God would help him find peace.

I knew in that moment that while “he” had caused me great pain, he also was in great pain and needed help. I now understand that he was living in darkness. I needed to intercede on his behalf because no one else would. I needed to turn the other cheek and petition on his behalf that God would help him– to let God work on miracles for his own healing. Alcoholism affects not just the alcoholic but those AROUND them.

I have walked around for 2-3 decades harboring these feelings of betrayal, resentment and bitterness. For what reason? To get back at him!

How does harboring negative feelings inside my mind and body actually get back at him? It doesn’t….

Studies have been done that show that negative emotions that build up inside US actually cause us great harm. As in, when we allow the roots of anger, bitterness and resentment to “sow” within it actually backfires on us; on our bodies and our minds.

If God’s message to us is to be filled with HIS peace and love then where do anger, resentment and bitterness originate from? The enemy; the devil, Satan. The same one who is bent on the idea of coming AT us to steal, kill and destroy.

Back to last summer: Once I was on my knees forgiving him, what I didn’t realize was I was setting off a “chain” of events in the Spiritual Realm. I was actually opening the doors of grace and mercy upon our lives and releasing both of us from the devil’s schemes. By doing so, I gave God and the Holy Spirit the room to begin working on making me –on making us– whole again.

Forgiveness, from the standpoint of our CARNAL world is a very underrated and under appreciated characteristic. I believe that culturally it is viewed as a weakness. Forgiving means we have to put aside our pride and humble ourselves.

Few wish to forgive, fewer offer forgiveness. But it is the very act of Forgiveness that produces that most plentiful Harvest.

Forgiveness gives us Restoration.

Forgiveness Redeems Us — that is exactly WHY Jesus went to the cross. To be our example. To give us a model.

Forgiveness is a stepping stone process. And it is easy to let our human “stubbornness” get in the way. The enemy would like nothing more than for us to remain stubborn and unwilling to change.

I now know the only way to find PEACE is to embrace the POWER Forgiveness has. We have the Cross and because Jesus GAVE us the Power through the cross, we no longer have to be kept tethered to that which keeps us shackled.

And yes, I have more peace now. My memories are still there and I will continue to write them to release them. But their power over me has changed. The tears I cry as I write will now be to help me close the doors on yesterday.

 

Chris August – 7 x 70

 

That’s what Forgiveness does.

That’s why Forgiving is so important.

 

Blessings,

Kenzel

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25 thoughts on “Forgive & Find Strength

  1. Amen. Love this. Yes, we have to forgive but it is not easy. It is not for their sake but for ours. I have also learned that forgiveness comes in stages like peeking an onion. And it definitely helps us when God lays in on our hearts why they act the way that they do. There is freedom in forgiveness for each of us. God bless you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank You for sharing this Kenzel. Forgiving everyone is a commandment from the Lord. Forgetting it is the hard part. Letting go of the hurt/anger is the best thing we can do and the Lord feels our pain. There are many things we would just love to erase from our memory, but I think they stay there so we can offer help to someone else that is having a similar issue in the future. Blessings to you. James

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  3. Kenzel, Thank you for sharing this. It really is amazing what doors of healing God opens when we choose to forgive,. I recall reading recently that when we go through trials and suffering, God sometimes allows this to happen, so that when we face other people going through similar trials, we are able to comfort them because we have been where they are and can share with them our testimony about how God brought us through. I so enjoy reading your posts, and just want you to know that by sharing your heart, you are truly helping others. Much love and blessings, Carlene

    Liked by 1 person

    • Carlene,
      Yes, true. That’s why he wants me to write. There’s a lot of stuff that happened. Much has made me feel shame. But I have to get beyond that and realize that sharing what I’ve “Survived” is more important than my feeling guilt & embarrassment from things done to me.
      What the enemy intended to use against me…God wants to use to provide HOPE

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  4. So absolutely true. If we choose to remain in unforgiveness, it’s like making a huge glass of poison to give to the person we don’t forgive . . . BUT drinking it ourselves.

    Forgiveness is the beginning of OUR healing.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love this also…and in my recovery and learning to set myself free – I had to forgive the ones that hurt me. I had to ‘love’ them and myself back to life. I believe forgiveness is a healing balm and it opens the window or door for love to enter in. Thank you for sharing….

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wow. Powerful words, Kenzel. Thanks for a great reminder of how we can set things in motion in the spiritual realms when we pray. You’ve obviously spent some serious time on your knees. And thank you for being vulnerable.

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  7. This is a powerful post, Kenzel and it touched me deeply. I grew up in abusive circumstances – violent, physical, sexual, verbal and other abuse. Abuse is very powerful as it comes from evil. We, as the victims, don’t realize that at the time, so our minds are terribly bent as well. I don’t know about you, but I was convinced that everything that happened to me was my fault – I was a bad girl, I did bad things, I wasn’t good enough. I became insecure, afraid, silent, depressed, felt guilty, angry, and hopeless.
    It wasn’t until, as an adult in my late 30″s, in Sunday School class, in a study by Charles Stanley on Forgiveness, I learned all these things you’ve written about. I prayed and prayed about this Forgiveness. God gave me the strength and ability to forgive the people who had hurt me so badly. What a weight lifted off of me! It was unbelievable. I learned from that experience that I’d been punishing myself all those years.
    It’s much easier to forgive now.
    Thank you for sharing your story. It’s very powerful, so true and I pray that it touches lives that are in bondage to unforgivenness. God desires us to be free.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jodee,
      Thank you. The “Forgiving” Journey is continuing. I believe it will also. I’ve have asked Him to identify those things in my life that are stumbling blocks…or more specifically are preventing me from presenting myself to him as a spotless bride. Even this week he has identified things…it seems the further time marches forward towards what Revelations speaks of the strength we derive will come only thru him.
      Thanks for reading/commenting and following ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Kenzel, I have had some issues lately on WordPress myself. I had to go into my admin settings and reset a few things. I’ve had a lot of issues when trying to post and send emails too. I think some of these are demonic attacks. My sister Linda and I pray over our connections when we skype, as the attacks start to fly right away. The same thing happens when i am talking with Bette.
    Blessings to everyone. James

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