(I found this post as unpublished in my “draft folder” – I’m not even sure when I wrote it…but it’s probably been at least a year, more likely two or three)
I ran across this music video entirely by accident. I loved the Divergent theme associated with Revive’s song, “Blink.”
I really relate with Tris – because of the tough choices she had to make – I’ve had to make many choices, as I’m sure have you.
Those choices take us down all sorts of winding roads. Many with obstacles and testing and trials we NEVER imagined we’d face.
Tris was faced with the choice of remaining in Abnegation or transferring to Dauntless and leaving everything she knew behind – an expectation along the lines of Jesus telling the rich man what he must do to enter heaven! (Mark 10:17-31)
“Once upon a time…..”
I remember being a pretty “happy go lucky” kid when I was young. I’ve tried to not let most things “get” to me.
Although I’m from the West Coast – My Dad originated from New England and my Mom from the Dakota’s.
They both ended up in the Northwest. A place, that as I understood…they both loved. I often heard Dad refer to it as “God’s Country.”
It was when I heard those words, “God’s Country,” all the way back in the early 1980’s that something in my spirit began to stir. A feeling of “restlessness” surrounded me. Dad words awakened something within me, something I was not to understand for sometime.
It has taken 3 decades for me to piece together what that “stirring” might mean. I am grateful for all the challenges and Praise God for the reality of who I am. I am bruised but not broken and most important I am Loved by The Father.
“Running the race” (Hebrews 12:1) has shown me who I am designed to be. It’s the challenges since early on that have provided that vantage point and it’s His Gift of Wisdom that provides the reflection. I recently heard someone tell me, “It had to be this way” – as in most of it wasn’t fun but it was all necessary. It is because of the trials that I have become (I hope) the Servant of God My Creator intended.
Way back then….when Mom and Dad were still alive, the house we lived in overlooked the Puget Sound. I remember standing out on the deck, looking out at the channel and the island… wondering, what on earth am I doing here? There may be a few of you out there who have thought (or felt the same things.)
What also is telling and revealing as I look back in time and as the the tears now to start surface, is one of the last conversations my Dad and I had while he was alive.
Mom had already passed the year before and we both had Grand Canyon sized holes in our hearts. I’m sure Dad never recovered from that loss – having to bury the love of his life…and there’s still an echo of pain in my heart to this day in her absence.
But I do remember this: He said, “Kenzel, you should get away from here. I think you should go to college in California”
“Really, Dad? Where? Why do you say that?”
“I don’t know, I just think you should. You need to get out of here. There’s no reason for you to stay. Go try something new. You should see new places.” Just reminiscing about that conversation almost gives me the chills. In hindsight, it was foreshadowing….
Well, I didn’t end up going to college in California after all. I did end up living there, twice over a span of 11 years. And that was enough for me.
The place I thought I always wanted to live was on the East Coast.
I had family in Massachusetts and Connecticut and after the parents died, I spent ample time out there. I always believed it was where I would live. As it turned out, I didn’t get to. For a long time I lived with huge regret about that. I’ve spent nearly two decades agonizing over why. What would keep God from letting me go where I WANTED to be? (Phil 4:19) Praise God that He is wiser than I and that all my days were mapped out because HE lovingly kept doors closed that did not need to be opened…including those carnal WANTS.
As with all things, God answers us in His good time. What he finally helped me realize was the answer to that longing I had in childhood.
The reason I didn’t feel like I belonged in the Northwest and the reason I never got to the East Coast; the reason I was tested and challenged: was to show me that this world is not my home (Hebrews 13:14). I was never supposed to feel comfortable here. I’ve a vagabond heart, a restless soul…and I belong with my Savior. I am Heaven bound. Although I searched for an appropriate scripture to match the use of vagabond heart above…the verse The Father has directed me to include is Exodus 14:1-4. As God would have it though, He had me read all of Chapter 14 – and I wept. His timing, as always is perfect.
Nothing this world has to offer is going to satiate my need for God or His Kingdom.
Have you ever read this?:
Matthew 6:20 (NLT)
20 Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. 21 Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.
It took me too long to realize it, but God wanted me to place all of my Spiritual stock investments in Him.
No matter what state or city I lived in. No matter what style of clothing I wear or what food I eat, nothing would change the fact that the only place I would feel at home was back in HIS arms again.
God had placed the spark of this knowledge in my spirit. It was something I could acknowledge but not something I was spiritually old enough to recognize and interpret what it meant. He just didn’t want me to know until I was GROUNDED enough in Christ to not misunderstand HIS intent.
Christ didn’t belong in the World. That’s what He’s been trying to tell us since His ministry started. He told us that if HE didn’t belong, to be assured that We didn’t belong. And he wouldn’t leave us here, either.
If you’ve made Jesus your Rock and your Redeemer, accepted Him and repented then this world is not your home either. In all likelihood, you’ve felt the difference in your life since meeting the Holy Spirit.
If God is true to His Word and what he has promised is true then we are, as He had me write yesterday, the “Revelation Generation.” The time when what is written about in the Book of Revelation is about to pass and come to life.
People (mockers and doubters) continue to tout that if He hasn’t returned yet, why would he now?
Well, what if the only real problem is the time table…our time table. Our impatience.
What if the time table we’ve been measuring time on is different from that of God?
What if we’ve confused our selves because of semantics. Those with little or no faith will say that God’s not only delayed – he’s not coming back. Or, he hasn’t yet, why would he now? OR I hope he doesn’t come back in my lifetime….
What if all of our arguments really stem from our impatience, our fears, our doubt. What if we really just WANT to live in sin and don’t want to stop “playing while the cat’s away?”
AND, What IF the time for HIS return is around the corner???
2 Peter 3:8 New Living Translation (NLT)
8 But you must not forget this one thing, dear friends: A day is like a thousand years to the Lord, and a thousand years is like a day.
Think about it. If God’s framework of time is 1000 years = 1 day that means a WHOLE lotta time could have passed under our noses while it’s been less than a week (maybe two in the Spiritual realm) THINK ABOUT IT!
I don’t know the personal timing of Jesus’ return. I don’t think I want to. I just know He has told ALL of us to be ready. We can chose to be or chose not to be. But be aware – it will happen in the “Blink” of an eye. (1 Corinthians 15:52)
HE wants us ALL to know now, that the sense of not belonging was is a GIFT of the Holy Spirit. That is God’s claim on our souls as His own. Surrender who you are consciously to the mustard seed and let that grow and multiply.
He waiting on us to do that…He’s already at least a step ahead on the journey; Let Him guide your path way and allow Him to protect you.
Heavenly Father, Whenever You chose to send Jesus…when He comes, I pray that WE are all READY for HIM. And that the Oil in our Lamp is Full. Help us to remain awake. To not blink, to Prepare our hearts and our minds. To not just “Get Ready” but to “BE READY”
In Jesus might name we pray, Amen.