I heard this song on the morning drive. I had to work really hard to keep my eyes clear (from tears) and focused on the road.
This song (Tell your Heart to Beat again) is EXACTLY where I am. This is why I have to trust God to help me write. I can’t do it alone. As confusing as my story has been, it’s starting to make more sense.
I’m not alone in the struggles I’ve faced (though the enemy would like us – YOU and I – to THINK so.)
It’s time to step into the Light of Grace. I’ve followed God’s Light it for too long and not recognized I need to claim it; it’s time to GRAB onto the hand God is holding out for me AND hold it.
Each stanza in the lyrics of this song take me to a specific time and place in my past.
A place where God was guiding my hand and leading me toward the future- toward today.
Sometimes God walks us through situations that we will only understand in hindsight.
God is amazing. He has provided me with what seems like extraordinary experiences that allowed the healing process to begin. This is a process that has happened, without my actually knowing it.
That is Grace.
But the real power of God’s Mercy is my writing about it.
God used Jesus as his divine tool to fix a broken world… But, just like Jesus sweat tears (as of blood) in Gethsemane I too have been reluctant and fighting my purpose. Without putting in my own sweat equity, the results of my healing will be limited.
It is on this pathway that He will do something far beyond healing the scrapes and bruises that have shaped ME.
He wants to use these battle scars to help others to believe: He is the Great Healer, Physician and Counselor.
So, Thank you: Linda and Andi, Peggy and Debra for those “Writing” reminders. As Mikayla said, (the day this blogging process started): God is into Restoration and Redemption. He IS Faithful.
Everything is possible.
Blessings to All!
It is a lightly rainy day.
There is no practical or logical reason for this, in the “natural,” but it is still happening.
The Smoke Smell is back – it is bad enough that I raced to the back to and the front door to find the fire or something smouldering. Outside both doors was fresh air, cleaned by the morning rain.
Then God reminded me of the truth, once again.
On the road this morning, I listened to the radio and news updates.
Stock Markets are beginning their descent. Dow sinks as 2016 opens
Crude oil prices continuing to drop, today they have slipped below $33 a barrel: US Markets & Oil
Today, I felt a “Wake Up” message approaching when I was reminded…It Has ALREADY Started.
I wasn’t sure if I would blog about this, until I got home. However, I have to tell you; the Smell of Smoke is very heavy. Heavier than it’s been. And remember, that it has been a damp/rainy morning outside.
So, this is my gentle reminder to you to please Seek God. Make sure you are in RIGHT relationship WITH HIM. I don’t know completely what’s coming but I have been observing EARNESTLY what is happening.
Whatever you want to believe, understand that a SHIFT is in process.
Ready your hearts and minds. Forgive others, forgive yourself. Ask Forgiveness from God (Repent for ANY sin). And pray for protection. Read Ephesians!
I’m going to attach a video compilation. Specifically, because what we all need to understand (based on Ephesians 6) is that the Enemy you and I are up against, is not so obvious. If you don’t know who or what you are up against, how do you know what to do to win the battle? Before you click on the link, the video is a very well done Hunger Games snippet. It is about 2 minutes in length.
I may be one of few who thought Hunger Games had a powerful (if not deeply hidden) message. And the message you need to pay attention and think about is this; To quote Haymitch Abernathy and Finnick Odair: Remember who the REAL Enemy is!
(Ps: A Clue to who the Real Enemy is? Who is out to destroy your Soul & Spirit? READ Eph 6:10-18 & Armor Up!)
I am and have been smelling the scent of smoke since last week. I don’t know exactly when that started.
It has been brought to my attention that I need to blog about this. Both from other bloggers but on a much larger scale, from God.
Many of you will be tempted to say, “hey…it’s just someone burning something outside or a neighbor’s fireplace or a wildfire somewhere.” I thought the same thing too, at first….
To be honest, I was so unnerved by the smell last week – because it LINGERED — that I stepped outside to investigate to make sure something wasn’t on fire nearby.
The sky was clear and blue. The air was clean. I could breathe in deeply and not identify a “whisp” of it outside.
The weird part is, NO ONE ELSE around me smells it. I do not smoke. My clothes do not smell of smoke.
So, I brought up what I was experiencing to a number of bloggers and much to my surprise, I wasn’t alone in having this experience.
That’s when I took this to God.
Me: Lord, for days now I’ve been smelling something like smoke. I don’t know why. I don’t smell it outdoors. Though it comes on softly, it magnifies so that it takes over my olfactory senses, makes my eyes burn and water and even an itchy sore throat with mild burning and a mild cough. I don’t feel sick though. What does this mean?”
He wasted no time with the Revelation.
I am providing you with a supernatural indication of my grief and the destruction that is coming. What you are smelling is smoke. The smoke of destruction and judgment. I know this is hard for Kenzel to share, but sharing this is what I expect.
As I revealed, my heart is grieving for what has happened to America. My people will not repent. They have turned their back on me. The smoke is a warning of the destruction that will be forthcoming. People do not believe that I Am who I say I Am. People do not believe my Word is Truth.
Horrible things have happened all across the land – around the world. I have allowed Kenzel to feel a portion of the grief I am feeling; as unpleasant as it is and has been.
Time, whether or not you know it, it is not endless. I have a plan and purpose. My plans may seem to be delayed, but they are not.
Return to My Word and understand that just as Ecclesiastes declares that to every season there is a purpose; a SHAKING is forthcoming. The “Smoke” that Kenzel and others are sensing is my way of showing them just HOW real what’s to come really WILL BE.
Do not question who- I AM – is.
Do not think I do not see what is happening. I created the Earth and everything in it.
Be wise — WAKE UP — Repent.
Seek Me: NOW. Before it is TOO LATE.
Above all, remember this. You have a choice between HEAVEN & HELL.
How do you know if you will make it to HEAVEN?
HAVE YOU accepted ME?
Have YOU Repented?
YOUR Eternity hangs in the balance. YOU make the ultimate decision.
Hell is real. Many of you are “of this world” and have chosen to postpone really thinking about what’s “beyond the veil” of THIS LIFE.
Whether you want to believe Hell exists or not, is up to you. But I do not want you to end up there. Hell is just as REAL as Heaven.
NOT choosing – is making a decision.
PUTTING off the decision to ACCEPT me IS also actually making a choice; because your days are numbered.
Seek ME = Heaven
Turn your back/Reject Me = Hell
I gave you the privilege of FREE WILL. Chose carefully, chose wisely. I want to share Eternity in Heaven with you.
Fellow blog readers. I have seen video testimonies of hell. I initially considered posting them here but am not prepared to do so, yet. For this tender heart, they are simply too graphic.
The theme of this blog is to provide Encouragement & Inspiration for Everyday. I have shared this post because NOW is the time for each of us to take responsibility for our eternal destination.
Whether the “End of Days” happens next week, in 2016 or decades from now The Lord has pressed upon me the URGENCY to get this out. The message falls under both categories of Encouragement & Inspiration.
BE Encouraged that God has not sent his judgement – yet. But BE INSPIRED to make use of the TIME that is LEFT to turn toward him and ACCEPT his GIFT of GRACE.
Eternity is a very long time. It is not a place you want to spend ANYWHERE but in Heaven. Think carefully about this…
I am emotionally exhausted from writing this post. If even one person gives God a chance from this blog, I will have accomplished His purpose.
If you have not been SAVED or have never ACCEPTED Jesus as your Savior: START with this PRAYER:
I pray for your mercy on my soul.
I am a sinner and I need a Savior. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God. That he died on the cross and shed his blood for my sins. I believe Jesus rose from the grave by the power of the Holy Spirit and He sits at the right hand of God
Jesus, I ask that you come into my heart and wash all my sins away. I ask you to send the Holy Spirit to live in me and guide me. I will follow you the rest of my life.
Your Word says that ALL
who seek you will find you.
Help me, Lord. Save me, Change me, make me NEW.
I ask this in the name of my Lord and my Savior, Jesus. Amen.
Be sure to get to know God, a little everyday. Give him just 10 minutes of your time – and read the bible when you wake up. Make this your daily “first fruits.”
The following video is the Testimony of Bill Wiese: It runs about an hour. It is about his visit to hell.
May all of God’s Blessings and His protection be yours,
My alarm went off at 5:30 this morning. A few minutes later, I opened up my Jesus Calling devotional and proceeded to dig into scripture.
The passages referred to were Isaiah 41:10, Psalm 9:10 and James 1:2
Isaiah 41:10New Living Translation (NLT)
10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.
Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.
Psalm 9:10New Living Translation (NLT)
10 Those who know your name trust in you,
for you, O Lord, do not abandon those who search for you.
I spent some time meditating on those verses. Really letting them sink in. Immersing my being in the richness of the words. If you’ve kept up with this blog for any length of time, you know why I write; out of obedience.
I recently started searching for a “real meaning” of Christmas. I wasn’t sure what I expected. I didn’t know what I would find, if anything, or if my search would end in frustration. Leaving me grasping at straws.
It was in the middle of all this that God spoke to my Spirit.
“You are troubled, Child but you need not be. The answers you seek lie within. Tell me, wasn’t the Christ Child was my gift to you?”
“And, what was His purpose?”
“Salvation and Grace”
“True, Dig deeper.”
“You feel like the meaning of the season is lost on this world.”
“It’s not. You hold The Key….
I gave you and ALL my Children The Key long ago. Jesus is my Gift to the World. Obviously not everyone embraces or accepts His Gift. But my Gifts are presented with multiple purposes. Jesus was just the start. Jesus Birth is a celebration. But the celebration you seek is not one most people look for. The true meaning of this season (not holiday) is FOUND in the Holy Spirit. You remember the first time you EVER felt the Spirit?
It was the first Christmas after your Mother had just died. You were at Christmas Eve Candlelight Service with your Father, and Grand Uncle and Aunt. You were singing hymns; “Silent Night” and “Little Town of Bethlehem.” Not coincidentally, you were holding your candle, “Shining a Light in the darkness.” You gazed from the candle to the Altar and while standing in the pew you felt that slight breeze blow past and threw you. It gave you goose bumps.”
“The Holy Spirit…”
“Why are you telling me this?”
“You asked, you’ve been searching. You’re heart aches, wonders and pleads. Yes, I see it ALL.”
“You also see my sin then…”
“I’ve seen sin that I’ve since washed white as snow…you are sanctified. You cling to it in shame and fear which impedes my purpose, WE are working on that TOGETHER. Time is my device. Focus on ME. Jesus changed the world but I need YOU.”
“Me? Why me?”
“Why? Because you are Willing. Because you WILL listen. Because you LOOK for me. For those reasons you fulfill a purpose in my plan.”
“What can I possibly bring to your plan?”
“Do you remember how My Son said:
John 16:7New Living Translation (NLT)
7 But in fact, it is best for you that I go away, because if I don’t, the Advocate[a] won’t come. If I do go away, then I will send him to you.
The Advocate he referred to is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit is what you felt that Christmas Eve. The Holy Spirit is REAL and powerful. The Holy Spirit IS what gives this season its meaning. Your struggle to find fulfillment this Christmas. Christmas in this world is also real but it is carnal and THAT is the reason your soul has been troubled. It’s the Spiritual Gifts you have, that I have blessed you with that MAKE this season the reason for celebration. Each of you, EACH of MY Children has a Gift. In your case, I had you picked from before birth to write.”
“But I’m not that good at it…”
“You sound like Moses. You are listening to the wrong voices, Child. I have equipped YOU. That is ALL you NEED. I do not make mistakes.”
“How do I…?”
“Come find me and seek me, just like you have been. You will find me in MY WORD. The more time you spend there, the more often you will receive. I will Bless you often and abundantly.”
“But writing is so hard for me. And there are other challenges creating barriers.”
“It is hard because I want to stretch you. Stretching you will benefit others reading this. And I know of your barriers. Don’t let them distract you. FOCUS on ME. All things are possible with ME.”
YOU have found the meaning of Christmas. It is within you.
It is the Holy Spirit Living in YOU; The tingle. The warmth. The Truth.
YOU are LOVED.
Of all the songs that Pentatonix has released, this is the one that resonates within me. I feel like The Little Drummer Boy. I have little to give, but what I give, I give with my whole heart. A truly humbled heart.
Thank you for today’s Blessings. Moments like this move me. I pray others will be Blessed by reading this. And that as we approach the celebration of our Savior’s birth our hearts are filled with gratitude…for All the Gifts you’ve given us.
And ALL God’s children said: Amen
May the Holy Spirit reveal the Gift(s) you’ve received this Christmas!
(And Meg, He wants you to know…He is by your side. Always, to the end of time).
I spent the weekend canoeing on a lake with a group of girls. The weather was utterly picture perfect. The water was too cold to swim in but the fall colors of the trees surrounding us were at peak.
I’m glad this is where I was yesterday. I’m glad I got to sit in the middle of the lake and gaze in wonder at the palate of colors God created. Whispy white clouds draped the sky line. Red and brown tree leaves that fluttered in the wind were an amazing contrast to sky blue. The sun’s rays shining through those rusts and reds and the sunlight sparkling on the water was awesome to behold.
But there is another reason I’m glad I was there yesterday. Because yesterday marked 31 years since my Mom passed away.
In some ways, it still feels like yesterday but in reality it was a lifetime ago.
The focus of this post won’t be on how much I miss her or how I’m grieving. That’s NOT how this works. This blog is God’s corner of the World for Encouragement!
What have I learned?
Our physical bodies do deteriorate over time. It’s just how we were designed. I know of too many people who believe that when the body dies, your “dead” and THAT’s IT! There is nothing else. Your body “rots” in the ground.
I don’t believe that. That is just not possible.
I no longer resent, regret or feel true grief or mourning over Mom’s passing. My solace didn’t happen over night and it didn’t happen because I “WILLED” it too.
I grew up with my Mom taking me to church. I remember she read her bible. But I remember distinctly that after she was diagnosed (post surgery) in February ’83 that she spent a lot more time reading her Bible and outside in the garden (which didn’t last long). My memories of her are dim but I remember them as God allows.
What I now realize is what she learned back then. Her physical body was destined to die but she was preparing for something bigger: Her Soul, Her Spirit for Heaven.
The time she spent reading The Bible: The Word of God, was a LIFE-giving source of sustenance for the part of her that was “trapped” inside a cancer ravaged body. Our bodies are more than what we can see. Our skin and physical manifestation covers the WHO we are inside. And that WHO we are inside can have a different destination than the casket, an urn, or a whole in the ground.
My mom was sad to be leaving the people she’d lived life with. I’m certain she was sad about her own past regrets. Sad about unrealized dreams.
I’m also certain her sadness was short-lived. She was learning to love and trust in God. His Word was a lamp in the darkness she faced. None of us knew what she was feeling, but Jesus did. Jesus had already walked in her shoes. He’d felt her pain. He was showing her through each verse she was reading how REAL HE IS. She was hungry for the PEACE of God, and God was providing.
Her ultimate trial of persecution would end up with her physical body breaking down, stopping her heart, her breathing and finally her brain. But the part that we couldn’t see (her Spirit/Soul) separated from a now defunct body and returned to its origin, her Savior.
Her dying was the end of THIS PHYSICAL earthly life but not HER SPIRITUAL demise; at the moment of her death, I know she went into God’s presence. I have felt her there.
The Enemy will try to tell us that there is nothing else beyond this mortal existence. And that might be easy to believe or to WANT to believe. Too many of us want to believe WE are in control. In control of our destiny’s, our future’s, our families; even the money we earn or the food we eat.
Let’s remember something: When you were born you came into this world with NOTHING. You arrived NAKED and in NEED of care.
You may not die Naked, you may have clothing on. But when you die, YOU TAKE NOTHING with you. You leave the same way you left.
Why are we here then?
You were given life as a TEST.
A test of character.
A test of humility.
A TEST of LEARNING to LOVE.
If you decided in this life not to believe in God.
If you opt to reject the belief of Jesus as Savior, because you have not seen Jesus, then you are a Doubting Thomas.
Do NOT let doubt cloud your mind.
Jesus Appears to Thomas
24 One of the twelve disciples, Thomas (nicknamed the Twin),[a] was not with the others when Jesus came. 25 They told him, “We have seen the Lord!”
But he replied, “I won’t believe it unless I see the nail wounds in his hands, put my fingers into them, and place my hand into the wound in his side.”
26 Eight days later the disciples were together again, and this time Thomas was with them. The doors were locked; but suddenly, as before, Jesus was standing among them. “Peace be with you,” he said. 27 Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here, and look at my hands. Put your hand into the wound in my side. Don’t be faithless any longer. Believe!”
28 “My Lord and my God!” Thomas exclaimed.
29 Then Jesus told him, “You believe because you have seen me. Blessed are those who believe without seeing me.”
Dying is not the end.
It was never designed to be the end:
But our ultimate destination is determined by our
Matthew 10:39New Living Translation (NLT)
39 If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it.
Instead of posting a music video,
I am posting a video story that will change how you look at life.
Watch it. Share it. Understand.
Please Click on the link below his photo
Dying is a frightening premise.
We fear what we can’t see.
So allow yourself to TRUST; a mustard seed of Faith is all it takes
Matthew 13:31-32New Living Translation (NLT)
Parable of the Mustard Seed
31 Here is another illustration Jesus used:
“The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed planted in a field.
32 It is the smallest of all seeds, but it becomes the largest of garden plants;
it grows into a tree, and birds come and make nests in its branches.”
Thank you for my Mother. For the Blessing of her love and the example she was of how to seek YOU and Love YOU.
Help each of us to find you before we take our final breath and fill the grieving with your peace…to bring them closer to YOU.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
Much as I’ve been resistant, it’s come to my attention that layer by layer, I need to uncover the past.
Doing so is not easy. I took yet another step of faith a couple of weeks ago.
A step I’ve been putting off.
It wasn’t something I wanted to write about, but obedience trumps my carnal nature.
My reality is:
I’m a sinner.
I am full of sin.
But there’s a lot more to fleshly sin than meets the eye.
It’s called FAITH
While Sin is often obvious, there are often Sins in the past that we (I) may not be able to recognize.
By nature, I want to deny that there was anything I might have done as an iniquity against God.
The reality is, I was too scared to face my Sin head on.
Too embarrassed to consider what I might find if I sought to know the truth.
Not unlike some of you who might be reading this.
I really don’t want to believe I am imperfect….
But like it or not, I am not perfect and I CANNOT grow unless I let go of
my sins, my trespasses and the TRUTHS that hurt.
I need to face ALL these head ON to become WHOLE again.
One day I felt His Spirit move in my Soul….
I dove in. I asked. I prayed.
And yes, I was nervous.
But I knew God wanted me to begin to uncover the sin I couldn’t see.
He doesn’t want me to remain in fragments
He wanted me to HEAL
God is always GOOD.
Having prayed, I waited.
His response time varies. Sometimes it might take months, a year, even years.
Sometimes hours or days.
When we ask questions or pray fervently; God does answer.
And this time was no different.
About 2-3 weeks after I requested His help; He delivered.
He provided the memory and identified it as my answer.
The Sin that left a stain in my past (decades ago), wasn’t something I sought out.
In fact, it found me.
The sin landed smack dab in my lap and I didn’t have to go looking for it.
What was the vision he provided? I saw the Ouija Board.
It’s been nearly 40 years since that happened.
And I still remember bits and pieces of the experience pretty clearly.
I was at a birthday party, I don’t remember whose party it was.
“Play time” was over, followed by light snack and cake. Then, the games were “rolled” out.
But my parents had arrived early to pick me up…
I’d never heard of Ouija, or seen one, nor was I familiar with it’s purpose, intent or origin.
Given that I was about to leave, I ended up being the first person to start.
I wasn’t sure of what question I wanted to ask it…so I threw out the first thing that came to mind.
“Will I be a tennis star, Will I win Wimbledon?”
I really had no expectations for this “gizmo” but I did have HIGH hopes in what it MIGHT tell me
However, when the “pointer” moved (without any effort from me) I truly started to cringe.
As it answered my question and “glided” across the board, it took on a life of its own.
I know my analytical instincts at that age, were not developed enough yet,
but there was something very wrong, VERY CREEPY with what was happening.
The Ouija told me the answer was: NO.
I was stunned and felt kinda sick.
Darkness was present and presiding.
I didn’t like the answer. I didn’t “like” the thing then and almost felt repelled by it during and after.
However, I initially DID put “stock” into what it MIGHT be able to do, because I bothered to ask it
Whether or not I KNEW it was right or wrong.
By merely asking that one question,
I invited something into my life that I never intended nor wanted.
I invited the opportunity for Evil into my life.
The board didn’t lie to me. but by consulting it – merely asking a question, I was exposing myself to
Spiritual Attack. I’m not joking either….
Even if it was telling me a truth. It was also making a future prediction. So, instead of receiving a
prophetic truth from My Lord, or His clarity and wisdom – without knowing it I allowed myself to be “fed”
by the enemy – fed information from an unreliable source.
The same source that lied to Eve in The Garden of Eden
God, What had I done?
In the last year, God has shared with me His wisdom about why my dreams to achieve “successful” status
in Professional Tennis didn’t come to fruition. I was blessed by that post just by writing it.
Read it here: Love Means EVERYTHING in Tennis
Tough as that was to write, it was one of two of my favorite blog posts ever.
I’d never had that kind of conversation with God before.
God has plans for me that I cannot see. Plans I do not need to know about until due time.
God’s perfect Will for me is what matters.
Yes, I was only 8 or 10 years old when this Ouija experience occurred.
I was ignorant about this tool.
Yes, I tried it once…and I knew at that moment ONCE was too much.
I had no idea that using a Ouija board would be considered on the same level as:
consulting a medium
But my answer was clear. I had given this device a toe-hold in my life.
I had stepped into the “dark side’ without recognizing it.
Though I am embarrassed by my actions, I feel fortunate.
God showered me with Grace, and removed the iniquity.
In the last weeks, Jesus broke the bondage that started long ago.
I am still saddened that it happened at all…but that decades old “stain” has now been cleansed.
I AM FREE!
More than anything, I am grateful that the Holy Spirit nudged me to pray and that I didn’t resist.
I am Blessed that God allowed me to see what I couldn’t see on my own.
I’m forgiven because I sought mercy and edification.
Don’t kid yourself about the power behind a Ouija.
Like it or not; Ouija boards are not a source of entertainment. They are a source of Spiritual Warfare, of
demons and darkness. Leviticus 19:31 and 20:6 admonishes us not to engage with them.
If we’re looking for answers, we won’t find what we NEED through a Ouija.
You are the Giver of Gifts. You know us from the inside out. Help us to see that which we are blinded to.
Guide us in your wisdom and sustain us with your strength. We do not need to seek out the enemy for the
answers that should only come from YOU.
Be our guide, Be our Light…walk with us and remain IN us. From Sunrise to Sunset, through Eternity.
Blessed Be YOUR Name, Jesus.
And thank YOU, Friends….for sharing a small part of your day with me!
I’d felt a burden last week to do something I’d never done.
I felt The Lord calling me to Fast. I’ve heard about fasting and I know it’s Biblical; I’ve read about it.
I really need to hear from God. I really need to receive His wisdom and clarity. I can’t imagine anyone wouldn’t!?
Well, actually….I know that’s not true. I know the idea of hearing from God scares the pants off of a lot of people. Some agnostics, some new believers…
However, I’m not writing to make friends or “tickle” ears – I’m writing to Shine the Light of God’s truth. The truth that will set us all free….
There has been a lot happening around us as I’ve mentioned.
Trying to make sense of it, we’ll that’s another story. Sometimes, we won’t be able to make sense of anything. And sometimes, the only thing we’ll get is the Peace of God that He allows to fill us and keep us calm in the midst of the storm – that is if we ASK for it.
I believe there is a storm coming, friends. I don’t think there’s any other way to say it.
I know I’ve mentioned on previous blog posts the book, “The Harbinger” by Jonathan Cahn. Well, in the years ’01 and ’08…those events happened during a Shemitah year cycle. The Shemitah is part of the Hebraic calendar. If you haven’t read The Harbinger, I encourage you to read it.
Right now, I am in the middle of the sequel: “The Mystery of the Shemitah.” To be honest, I’d never heard the term Shemitah before last year.
Even before I started reading the Shemitah I felt the call to fast, but once I started it I knew I had to try. The reason is that God is working on me. He wants every part of me. He wants me to lean on HIM fully and completely. He wants me to know what it feels like to TRUST him and have no hesitations in doing so.
Whatever is coming our way in the next 12 months…I pray that each of us is ready for it. I have asked God for mercy and for his protection. That being said, nothing may happen…but that’s not what history of the Shemitah has shown.
If God’s Word is true, if what I’ve learned about the Hebraic calendar is correct…based on the patterns that have been laid out so far – then I am going to do what God has asked of me and be the “watchman” on the wall and sound the “WaKE UP!” call. Get to know who Jesus is – T O D A Y.
Back to FASTing:
Anyhow, as I “entered” my feeble attempt at my fast last week…I felt like I didn’t know enough about it to do it successfully. That I didn’t understand the mechanics of doing it right.
I shared my first attempt with a friend, expressing my dissatisfaction with my effort. Fortunately this friend is both grounded in Christ and has fasted a good deal, because her words kept me from feeling defeated.
“There is no right or wrong way to Fast. Follow the direction of the Spirit. Let Him lead.”
I also hadn’t had a clue as to how to pray as I fasted or what to pray. I wasn’t sure how God wanted me to worship Him, or how to present myself to Him; for him to know I longed for his presence.
What I didn’t know kind of surprised me.
Prayer and Fasting do go hand in hand but they don’t always have to.
Prayer isn’t limited to bowing your head, hands folded, sitting in a church.
PRAYER is conversation with GOD.
A N D
Fasting isn’t limited to Food. It’s not limited to the time of Lent.
Fasting is about putting aside that which we idolize or depend on – and REFOCUSing our minds on Christ. Seeking Him to help us, feed us and nourish ourselves through HIS WORD.
Now, when matched up side by side, Prayer and Fasting are a combination that touch the heart of God – Right where HE is sitting on his Heavenly throne.
The real point of fasting is to take our WORLDLY focus and fixate on HIM.
Allow HIM to fill us UP completely and in doing so remaining prayerful that HE will speak to us and confirm within us, what we need to know.
What I didn’t realize is the way I live is more or less a form of “Lifestyle Fasting.”
I don’t need much…I am a simple person. The only thing I crave is to know Jesus more….
I am now looking to him to help me write this blog because I just can’t do it justice solo.
I listen for his voice throughout the day.
I’m mindful that with every bite of food I eat, someone somewhere has none.
I’m more fully reminded as time marches on that the enemy is out there on the prowl, scheming to steal, kill and destroy – And that is what keeps me going here…because
above all, I recognize how many lost souls there are, everywhere. Maybe reading, right now….
People who are willing to “put off” and procrastinate on the “Jesus” thing because they are too wrapped in THIS world to learn about HIS world.
The World HE made for You and me. To share THAT world with HIM.
Fasting and praying may not be for everyone…but Jesus is. He’s here, today.
What will you do when you can no longer procrastinate, because the opportunity to say YES to HIM is gone?
Scoff if you will, But Jesus didn’t turn his back on the cross.
and Jesus wouldn’t turn his back on YOU – Just give him a chance.
Give Him a chance to change YOU and then go change your corner of the world!
Allow God to change you and discover the Light you were made to Shine!
Wherever you are, I pray you discover who you were meant to be as a Child of God….
and that you are blessed by HIS presence,
I am staring at a blank canvas.
I don’t know what to do with it.
This is part of the reason why I hadn’t blogged the last two months.
I thought God wanted me to take time and breathe.
True, I have been adjusting to eating differently, but that wasn’t ALL of it.
I was questioning my worth. My purpose.
Not my life – that’s not something I need to question.
When God asked me to lay down my “book” dream recently it thrust me into an unknown.
A “black hole,” so to speak.
If I’m really a writer, why is He having me blog?
I’m not complaining, I’m confused.
When I started writing as a girl I wrote for fun. For the love of it. Just because.
The worst part of what I thought was my life-long quest and “dream” to write a book, was that I actually started writing it, twice.
The first story I worked on is sitting in a slush/recycle pile. And that’s where it will stay.
The second story I have mapped out in different word documents in the last year. Each scene is something that I thought God gave me in different visions. Visions I saw repeatedly, and finally wrote them down.
Then He asked my to lay down the dream. So, there’s no point in printing the scenes I have because they are all disjointed. The aren’t organized, they make no sense. Talk about discombobulated….
I feel like my brain has gone into a time warp status and I am caught in a black hole of thoughts.
There are a laundry list of things I can and should write about. Things that aren’t being addressed in the news. Things that have heightened my sense about where the world is headed and what we need to understand.
I don’t begrudge God about asking me to lay down “my dream” of writing a book. I know HE knows what I’m feeling. What I guess I’ve come to realize is THE book I had on my heart to write was filled with the wrong motivations:
The first book was filled with selfishness. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t in line with God’s Will. I was free to write it and do so in “fun” – but it would never reach the eyes of anyone beyond my own computer screen.
A friend (and you know who you are) told me to start this blog. She also told me that when I get “raw” and “real” in my writing it is really powerful stuff. The problem is getting raw and real is draining.
But two things have happened this week to make me realize God is getting me ready to write what I’ve desperately tried to keep hidden.
I went to a Young Living Essential Oils meeting. At the meeting I took a Zyto scan. It was interesting, not too surprising but certainly a wake-up confirmation. My scan indicated that I had two zones out of “sync” both related to emotions and feelings. No surprise there.
The reality is I am facing a huge battle of spiritual warfare. I am being kept hostage by the enemy. The memories that haunt me are festering. I am a big believer in the concept that the body can heal itself (if given the right platform). Well, I’m starting to see that I am the one in the way. The only way I am going to be able to be emotionally WHOLE ever again is to write it OUT.
I have received feedback several times since I started this blog that I AM A WRITER and I have an amazing gift for writing. I am completely overwhelmed each time I hear that. I almost can’t believe it. The mere compliment brings me to tears. So why does it not spur me on to tackle my own demons?! Simple…again it’s the enemy. He is strangling me with fear of my own shame.
What I realized when I took a Compass Zyto scan this week is that the LONGER I allow pain, the fear, the anger, from manipulation-deceit and betrayal to remain inside – the greater the likelihood it will EAT me ALiVE.
If I don’t let it out and ALLOW God to work through me, the enemy will get what he wants. He will have won. By keeping his lies locked away I give him the advantage. That was never what God intended for me. He intended me to STAND – with HIM. By STAND-ing up and out I WILL be able to have power over Satan. I will be the VICTOR.
The title of this blog entry was Inadequate. Why?
Because I have been wanting to write about topics that relate to what’s happening around us and are affecting our everyday lives. Wanting to write about everything from the Blood Moons to the Shemitah. But I am not a Bible scholar. I have no formal education. I am just a mere human being, imperfect, sinful and full of shame. I have hidden myself from the blog-o-sphere lately because I feel inadequate to write.
And THAT is WRONG….
I had forgotten that God directed me to start this; to SHINE HIS LIGHT. Forgotten that HE alone trusts me to follow his directions. Do I feel adequate? Yes. But I needn’t. All I have to do is go back to my little instruction book and pay attention to:
and the big book of players to know WHAT the GREAT I AM expects me to DO.
There is no way I am comparing myself to these heroes/heroine’s of the Bible…but at least I know that as this journey continues I am not alone. Just as they did, I HAVE to TRUST.
I have to believe this is a safe place to write and lay it all out and down. To place it all at the foot of the cross.
I need to be made NEW. I’m tired of the old.
I’m scared. Who among us isn’t? Help us to take these fears and surrender them to YOU. The time has come for us to find out who you MADE us to be.
Allow us to find PEACE. I pray that YOU will help me to dig deep from here on out. Help me to release that which binds me and has kept me captive for too long. It’s time to let it go.
Bless me, bless all of us with your Grace, mercy and never ending LoVe.
In Your Name, we pray…Amen.
I guess I’ve been on an unintended hiatus. I don’t know how it happened and I don’t know that I’m ready to be here, but here I am, for today
It was around 2008 or 2009 that I started developing a cough. It was a random cough. There were times it was worse than others. There were times it was so bad that I choked and gagged. Those moments were jarring because I couldn’t breathe.
At the “mildest” of moments, I didn’t even know I was coughing. I simply had no idea I was doing it. What was worse was the “dirty” looks I would get. The “Are you sick?” “What’s wrong with you?” questions followed much later by just “Go to the Doctor!”
Oddly, I didn’t feel sick….not even close. The “hacking cough” wasn’t alleviated by chewing gum or sucking on cough drops. In fact, not only didn’t they help, I sometimes wondered if they made it worse. My frustration level was rising. The cough I had initially attributed to seasonal allergies wouldn’t go away! It was there even in the Winter…The Winter!
During a physical with my Doctor we went over my health history and family history. I lost my Mom way too young. She was too young to die and I was too young to be motherless – some of which I’ve already written about previously.
During the course of our conversation, The MD and I mutually decided I should have an endoscopy. For those that don’t know what that is, it’s when a Gastroenterologist takes a medically designed camera inside you and down your GI tract. It wasn’t something I was looking forward to, but we agreed it was for peace of mind.
I had the procedure in October 2012. But I so was nervous about the results that I ended up waiting nearly 10 months to follow up with the Specialist. Yes, 10 months (August 2013)
When I finally did go in, that was one of the most intense evaluation sessions I’ve ever sat through.
At that point, I found out I had Acid Reflux (AR). I believe it’s also commonly known as GERD. To be honest, when he initially presented his findings to me, I was totally disgusted. I honestly didn’t believe him. I couldn’t believe Reflux was possible because I felt no symptoms. I felt perfectly healthy. I really was questioning his opinion and findings. I really grilled him, I wasn’t ready to give up and give in to something that just didn’t seem to fit….
But, then…the more he spoke – the more questions I asked and insight he gave me – something “clicked.” And not in a good way….
The more he addressed really detailed, technical stuff about Acid Reflux: how it works, what it does, why my body was doing what it was and what ALL this might mean in the bigger LONG term picture…..Acid Reflux if left unchecked, un-managed and ignored for too long can lead to cancer.
What he was describing to me took me back to 1983. In his description of my condition, he was talking about my mother in reverse. I don’t have her records to refer back to, but her demise (stomach cancer) was (essentially) esophageal cancer. Esophageal Cancer is cancer of the esophagus, the GI tract. The GI tract leads to the stomach.
All these years later, I had wondered how this could have happened to her, with seemingly little warning. Seemingly because we didn’t know what we didn’t know. We didn’t know what to watch for. We didn’t understand what could be trigger points or aggravators.
Here I was, listening to the Dr tell me what my Mom didn’t have the chance understand or learn about.
Pair all that together with my gut instinct (pun intended) and that’s good enough.
Now that the appointment with the Specialist was over, I had a small supply of “sample” medication to see me on my way.
I’m not really a fan of prescriptions or meds in general. I found out why, FAST. I took the medicine I received for 2 days and starting on day 3, I knew something was wrong!! I woke up feeling lousy. And only got to feeling worse throughout the morning. I still can’t believe I did, but I called my Dr about it. I was told a reaction was rare, and it could be a virus since there was a virus going around. I should stop taking it immediately for 48 hours. If the condition lingered longer than 48 I had a virus, if the conditions stopped, it was a reaction.
24 HOURS LATER I WAS FINE.
For 3-6 months I flip flopped between my General Practitioner, my respiratory specialist (where I found out I had near perfect lung capacity) and even had allergy testing done! (With no significant allergens of concern).
GET THIS: With all that being said. With all the time that had passed…my cough still lingered. It still wouldn’t go away. Seriously!
I went in for my annual physical this past spring. May 2014. We went over everything, all over again. Symptoms hadn’t changed.
Everyone I knew said something was “WRONG” with me (a great thing to hear on an endless basis). I was getting tired of finding no answers. I felt like a dog chasing its tail. That’s not a pretty picture but it accurately portrays where I was.
I had tried nearly everything the 3 Doctors and Allergist had suggested….and that’s when I looked my MD in the eye and said:
I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of meds that aren’t cutting it. I don’t want to bother with them anymore. What else can I do. I want to stop this….there’s got to be a better way!
Let me say this – I have always liked my Doctor. I ask a lot of questions. I challenge her with my doubts about “modern medicine” and she antes up. We have had some great chats!
But this day, this particular conversation was a game changer!
“Well, you might be able to eventually come off the meds, in time, but you’d have to make a major change.”
“Like what?” I replied.
“You’d have to stop eating gluten”
“What do you mean? Why is that?”
“Gluten can be a major contributor of Acid Reflux. In your case, it’s likely aggravating the already high acid levels of your stomach and that’s why you’ve got GI damage.”
“Are you saying if I stop consuming gluten I’ll be able to discontinue the meds?”
“What I’m saying is you need to take the meds AS you are quitting gluten and get your damage healed. Once you’re gluten free we can reevaluate and see if with the combination of taking the meds and lack of gluten, if your body can then maintain that balance on its own.”
The conversation above happened in May. We are now in September.
I finally “initiated” my attempt at being gluten free this summer. It was either May or June. I was not thrilled by the idea BUT, it was an idea I hadn’t taken seriously or even contemplated.
Two weeks into the process – yes, two weeks in, something was different. My coughing was subsiding. By August, my cough was gone. What I didn’t realize was that I was a good part of my way already into a gluten free lifestyle. Flour and flour based products (wheat) are full of gluten (think bread)
I don’t like bread
I don’t often chose to eat bread.
I don’t even care for the bread basket at restaurants.
My biggest hurdle? That’s been baking!
Yes, one of the many reasons I’ve not been on here as much as I intended was this gluten free lifestyle change. Surprisingly, it hasn’t been as difficult as I thought. Maybe that’s because I know where this road will go if I don’t take it and I’ve already seen what can happen! As much as I’d rather not have to deal with checking ingredient labels, it is so nice now that I’m not coughing, clearing my throat (or hacking). But the biggest reality is the (hidden, unseen) internal reaction my body has to gluten. I DON’T WANT to GO back there!
What have I discovered through this process? I can still love my homemade chocolate chip cookies. I just use a combination of AP GF Flour and Coconut Flour. While I’m not really supposed to have chocolate because of GERD, if I need a nice chocolate “fix” I can always make a flour-less chocolate cake.
I don’t generally eat supermarket ice-creams. Have you ever read those ingredient labels? If I want ice-cream, I need to pull out my ice-cream maker.
The biggest culprit in all this though (for me) has been the bread and bread products. I ate two bread based sandwiches a few weeks back (because I didn’t have lettuce around to make a wrap) for lunch and dinner one day and the effects were nearly instant. Within a few hours, I was coughing and I couldn’t stop. It was baffling until we reviewed the day in full.
People reading this may believe gluten allergies or sensitivities aren’t real. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But, where modern medicine and allergy testing couldn’t get it right (and there is no official “test” to determine a gluten intolerance or sensitivity)…I’m glad I gave myself the chance to try!
I am forever grateful for your unending blessings. Whether or not I can see what you are doing in my life, I know you are GOOD. Your strength carries me from day to day. My purpose, my reason for being here is only found through you. Thank you for never giving up on me. Thank you for Shining YOUR light on my path.
I ask you to bless every person who reads this with your Love and Peace that surpasses ALL understanding. Help any who are lost to find you and seek your presence. In Jesus name we pray, Amen.