Tag Archive | Gratitude

Testimony: Letter For Dad – Part I

Father God, This is the first time I have ever approached writing about Dad.

I love you, Lord. You are my Creator.

With your blessing, I’m going to start out writing him a Thank you letter.

I want to share thoughts here about the man you orchestrated to be my earthly Dad. Thank you for that…

 

Dear Dad,

This doesn’t come easy. I guess writing letters to those we’ve loved, then lost and grieve over are just naturally going to stretch us.

First, I want to Thank you…for being my Dad. I know neither one of us was perfect and I was only 17 when you died, so we didn’t get much time together after we buried Mom.

What didn’t I get a chance to say that I want to say now? I love you. I know I didn’t say that nearly enough. I would have hugged you way more often, too.

I’m sorry that I wandered off that day at the Park and disobeyed you. I’m sorry that I didn’t come back home to live with you once your time caring for Mom was over. My human mind believes that decision (on my part) was a tragic mistake, even though I know it was all part of God’s plan. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to your words and advice and pay more attention in general.

And if I thought I got short-changed with my time with Mom, then there is no doubt the same happened for us. In hindsight, now I see how every moment was a cherished gift. I also understand why in the book, “Imagine Heaven,” so many people who have experienced NDE’s (Near Death Experiences) express that “we who are living, miss out on the best parts of life.” (paraphrased)

I loved you teaching me how to make home ground/brewed coffee. Back in those days, the early 80’s, the Seattle coffee scene hadn’t quite gained its momentum. And besides our time on the tennis court, my favorite memories of you are walking in at 7am from having gone to pick up the Seattle Times and your cup of coffee. (Tears…)

Then you bought the coffee grinder and we started making coffee at home…you even enlisted my help. I loved grinding the beans and smelling its aroma (better than it tasted!). But what made my heart sing was when you would pour me a cup and prepare it “cafe ole” style (because it was caffeinated.)

We’d sit at the table and often enough indulge in the small bag of Dunkin’ Donuts you brought home. I will never forget how excited I was each time you did that.

Thank you for believing in me, for seeing my potential as a tennis player. Maybe you saw more in me than I did in myself.

Thank you for when you took us to The Enchanted Forest and Point Defiance. For having Marci take me to Wild Waves. I have never forgotten that day. Though I missed Mom, I loved Marci…and she brought part of me back (albeit all too briefly) that had disappeared with Mom’s absence. I’m glad she was in your life, near the end.

Thank you for standing up for me at school and teaching me Judo after I was beat up. Thank you for showing me what character and integrity look like. For caring for Mom until the very end…I do know she was the love of your life. I’m so sorry for the anguish of losing her. Thank you for getting her out of the motel and those 2 or 3 years of retirement.

As I write, I look at your picture taken at the family wedding in 1980. It’s hard to believe that that photo marked the beginning of so many changes ahead.

Thank you for taking me out to visit Mom’s family the year she died. I’ve never forgotten that…even though that trip had drama of its own.

I only want to write about the good memories here, because Part II is going to be so very different…

More than anything, I want you to know I appreciate every thing you ever did for our family. Thank you for loving us. Thank you for having served your country.

I want you to know, I have made mistakes. Lots of them. If you’re in Heaven and reading this then you already know that meeting with Betty before I left Kent was a turning point. And God knew exactly what He was doing that day.

The only thing I was ever sad about was that I never got to see where you worked in air traffic control. We often talked about my coming for a visit to the tower one day…and although I’m not sure where they are now, I kept the beautiful photos you gave me of the Blue Angels flying over Boeing Field for a long time.  I treasured those….

Dad, whatever God’s plans are for me…I will always be your little girl.

Love you, Daddy…

Post Script: Related Scriptures

This morning after I wrote and published this, I was reminded by the Holy Spirit of the words “Honor thy Father.” How could I forget that Honor your Father and Mother are the 6th of the 10 Commandments found in The Book of Exodus. You can find it under Exodus 20:12. 

By writing this letter I was honoring both my earthly Dad and My Heavenly Father…there was a reason I felt compelled. 

Blessings to All

 

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Mother’s Day: Confession & Letters

Confession:

In the last 48 hours, I’ve realizedhow self-centered a daughter I was / I’ve been.

I’ve gained painful insight into what it means to “release” in The Spirit in the last three days.

So, if y’all will indulge me, there are a couple of people I owe some messages of acknowledgement to.


Marla, If you ever read this, Thank you.

I want to publicly Thank you.

The first time I heard your song on Friday, “I See You Smiling” my mouth dropped, gaping in shock.

I listened to it again moments later. My daughter was sitting next to me. I re-started your recording and started to cry…then I cried harder. My daughter held me.

I don’t know if it was the melody or the lyrics or both that prompted my emotional response but I recall this conversational exchange:

As I listened to the lyrics in Marla’s song, thoughts poured in and words in grief and sorrow that I never considered flowed out of my mouth. Until now, I’d never realized my mourning process was incomplete:

 

“In all these years, I’ve never been able to see Mom in Heaven.”

(Reflecting) I have never been able to get past my own selfish abandonment and I have asked God a decades worth of why’s!!”

(When you are a child, overwhelmed by sorrow – When no one seems to care and you don’t fit into any category because no one can relate to you. How do you sustain?)

Hidden sadness gushed out as tear drops began to cascade. I paused long enough mid-sentence and ran for tissues….”Oh God, I can’t cry. No, not now.”

“Mom, why not?”

“I have to be strong. Tears make me look weak.”

“Mom you’re crying because you’re human.”


Dear Mom,

I miss you and I realize I always will. There is no way I can’t. But I have been unfair to you. In all these years, I have never been willing to release you back to God. I figured if I held on to you tightly, both in memory and spirit, I wouldn’t have to let go. But if I don’t let go, neither one of us is really free.

Your purpose on earth was completed a long time ago. That’s just the way it is. I know you loved me. And I want you to know, I loved you so, so much. I didn’t get to adequately tell you that during your lifetime, but I’m certain you know it, now. I ask you to forgive me for all the big and small things that hurt you and I forgive myself for not wising up sooner.

Thank you for giving me Life.

Thank you for showing me God’s Love.

Thank you for demonstrating perseverance.

Mother’s Day may not have meaning in Heaven, but nonetheless, “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.” I will carry the best parts of you with me from here into Eternity. 

I release you into God’s presence. You are His.

Thank You, Elohim, for Blessing me with a woman who Loved you and lived life with your Word written on her heart, in her soul and permeated her Spirit.

 


I pray that others who are struggling through this Weekend without a Mother will feel comfort through this as well…

I See You Smiling