Tag Archive | hope

Love vs Chaos: Land of Confusion

 

I recall I started watching this video sometime in the last year, but didn’t get to finish it.

 

Today, I finished it and was then given a message to share

 

What is the meaning of Life?

I was crying before the video was over because before the gentleman finished his testimony I heard, in The Spirit, “Love is the Meaning” only moments before his words were verbalized.

 

“Unprecedented times, the unknown before you. How much time do you need to believe?

Too many among you already go through the days with hardened hearts. Are you among those who put your focus on what you can see, on your social media “shares” and on what you can accumulate and moments later, replace?

Your beating heart means something to ME. Love is the answer but wrong choices are being made. What you see happening before you is but a silhouette of what is to come. Too many believe that time is infinite – when in fact – it is finite.

THIS LIFE IS FINITE –

MY LIFE – ETERNITY is INFINITE

You believe in that which you create but not in the ONE who created. (Genesis 1:1-27)

Time will not stand still because I AM time.

The fragment of time you have been given is your opportunity to exercise that gift – Do you USE that gift or squander it?

Has My Son not told you that the Greatest of these is Love?

That Love He has spoken of is THE meaning behind all the mysteries you long to understand!

For those with ears to hear, hear this now:

if you wish you understand

what this life – your life – is ABOUT?

ASK

How you live your life is your gift to me but my ULTIMATE gift to you – beyond your beating heart – beyond eternity in Heaven –

is you WALKING into the fullness of your

DESTINY: Here/Now on Earth.

Each of you has one; a Destiny. But few of you ever to bother asking me if your goals and motivations are truly an “unction” of my calling to you or simply the temptations of the world calling upon your conscious, carnal, thinking mind.

By now, you should realize nothing is as it seems. Time, things and events will only escalate. If you read MY WORD, this you know and already understand. If you have not read my WORD – start now…

The Land of Confusion is before you and on the path ahead. What will you do with what you know? Trust only ME. If you do not know your Destiny – ASK ME.”

The title of this song, “Land of Confusion,” is what I understood I was to share with this message. Many of you know it’s a song from the group Genesis (1986). I am posting the lyrics along with it because the video is just too complicated (and really creepy) and does not include them.

Land of Confusion – Genesis

Lyrics – Land of Confusion

Matthew 7:7-12

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:

For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.

Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?

10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?

11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?

12 Therefore all things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.

King James Version (KJV)

Public Domain

 

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Thru The EF-1 Rains

I had driven across the river to an antiques shop.

Decades ago after my mother passed, I had inherited some sort of pink statue from her. It has been sitting on top of a desk for years – and I had always wondered about it.

Today was the day I went out to see what I could learn about it.

This items seems to be in the shape of a “Japanese Monk” and it’s made of Jade. By the time that was determined, I looked outside for probably the 3rd time. The storm was really close because the ominous black clouds were no longer in the distance, they were overhead.

I walked out the door greeted by drops of rain and got in my car. Within a minute, the rain appeared to fall from the sky like a blanket. I got to the light before crossing the bridge and wondered how bad things could get. I stayed 25-30mph in the 40 across the Arkansas.

It continued to pour and cars around me were going super slow…some had pulled over to the side. I made one additional stop before heading home and as I drove up the hill and the road narrowed that’s when “things” started to feel hairy… The rain was worsening and even with my wipers on high I couldn’t keep the windshield clear. It was as if the sky had opened up and bucket upon bucket upon bucket of blankets of water were being poured out.

It was about this time when all I could see was headlights through the windshield and I could no longer make out the shapes of automobiles that I was PROMPTED to sing as I drove. Outta no where I started to sing “Jesus loves me…” (I barely remember singing it in hindsight but within moments of singing it I KNEW I wasn’t alone.) If I was feeling any anxiety before it was replaced by Yahveh’s Peace washing over and through me. By this point, I was about 2 minutes from home.

That storm cell was a “do-zey” – and I didn’t know it but a tornado watch had been put into effect


Thirty minutes later as I was driving, the skies above were mostly blue. While the storm water retention ponds were full many low road points were overflowing one might never have known by looking “up” that a thunderstorm had just passed. Further North and East it was a different story – dark looking clouds were re-gathering momentum and continuing their pursuit.

It was in these “after” moments that I thought back to a radio show where Glynda Lomax had spoken of having to take shelter in her tiny storm closet and as a she waited through a tornado warning, She began to sing, “Praise you in This Storm” and the Peace of Jesus just washed through her.

God’s Power is infinite and His peace is activated through our Praises.

Glory Be to Elohim!


This is what the skies above looked like during the afternoon’s Severe weather outbreak: an EF-1 Tornado was the result.

-Kenzel

 

A Snapshot: “Kenzel Mind”

Someone asked me not long ago…”How do you think?”

How do I think? It felt like that was asking me how I write or eat or wash my face. At first…at first I almost thought it was silly. Until I realized how serious a question it was – and remains

I have struggled with needing to write some blog posts. I’ve received some Words of Knowledge I’m believing I’m supposed to share but that is not something I have ever done on this blog. (Sorry for random spontaneity…)

Tonight, reading Day 117 of Book of Mysteries – the scriptures the lesson referenced was from the book of Matthew 6:33. Which says in essence that He will give you all you need each day – day to day, if you live for Him.

To say that the last month has been difficult would be an understatement. I have had to take enormous amounts of time and reflect on life; 33 plus years worth of time. No joke. (and not coincidentally I just noted the scripture reference of Matthew 6:33 and reflecting on 33 years of life….Hmm: Confirmation.)

It turns out it this journey in the wilderness the past month was a Self-Evaluation of sort provided as a means for God to show me that He is not just Sovereign and Holy and Righteous – but Wise and Loving.  He possesses an all-consuming Love that swallows up anything that doesn’t reflect HIM. In essence, He was showing me His “God Strategy” for life.

The “God Strategy” is really simple. Not easily followed…nor replicated but simple to identify, at least in theory.  God gave us Jesus and we were to follow His example as we journey through life. It sounds easy- right? It’s anything but.

 

Snippet of Soul Surfer (Shark Attack) – Graphic Re-enactment

 

The God Strategy runs counter-intuitive to EVERYthing we are as human beings. Whether saved or un-saved, we have a tendency to want to lean on our prideful, arrogant, self-centered hearts and minds.

Jesus was none of those. He came to show us what we COULD be:

Selfless-Humble-Empathetic and loving others with Agape

In the past 33 years, I buried both parents and witnessed funerals of countless relatives and friends… the young, the old.

I have witnessed how bitterness can swallow up everything that is good in man as well as how un-forgiveness can lead to utter destruction.

I have witnessed the effects of what alcoholism can do to a person – not just one person, but two…as well as the life long effects of everyone to whom those persons came in contact.

Through everything, the good, the bad – the heartache…the tears. I have almost gotten to the point of being “cried out” where I have almost no tears left to cry. And that’s when Jesus told me…that was not by accident.

Through the decades, you’ve cried and cried and then cried some more.

Mankind looks at tears as something to flee from. As though tears will weaken the human psyche. But truth may seem stranger than fiction.

Keeping physically fit is paramount in the minds of many…but like anything good, some motivations (without balance) can become an idol. When men and women exercise, the body sweats. The overall benefit to the body is an increase in strength within the body muscles: “Strength training” it’s often called. The same holds true for building your “spiritual muscles” and “empathy empowerment” when you cry. So, where physical fitness is admired and sought after, showing our emotions is looked at as anything but…

What most have never bothered to ponder are the strength in crying tears. Tears aren’t just an outlet for emotions. Tears are a powerhouse method for the building up of the person within.

This might sound counter-intuitive but think about it. Every time you’ve cried, it seems to cause a release in the body. In truth, tears are The Father’s formula to build strength.

Consider Maundy Thursday…when Jesus went to Gethsemane. He went with his disciples to pray. While Jesus was there He found himself in the fight of His “carnal” life. That night was a “Macro” snapshot of His life. He had come on a selfless mission – as a tiny baby destined to eventually be the ultimate sacrifice of Agape Love. That Thursday night in the Garden He fought his flesh. His sweat fell to the ground like they were great drops of blood (Luke 22:44) and He asked His Father for strength.

Jesus knows our plight. He knows our hurts and what makes us tick, happy, frustrated…even content.

I’ve spent the last month contemplating “The how do I think” question…and the answer is that I don’t know because I’ve always HAD to turn to God for direction. He wrote the book of my life and I’m just “walking it out.” That’s how I look at each day, it’s how I’ve had to look at each day since 1983.

Yes, I have a calendar with appointments on it but God is really the controller. I recognized this a while back. I go where He leads…I wouldn’t want to navigate these waters on my own or by myself. That wasn’t His intention anyway.

The truth is, the “how do I think” question is an everyday, hour by hour struggle of Ephesians 6:10-18. From an early age, I faced unusual circumstances that left me confused, shaken and orphaned. Before I was even a Senior in High School I was asking more questions about the “obscure” things of Life and Heaven than anyone on earth had answers for. There finally came a point I stopped asking people around me anything – because no one could relate.

Everything about who I am – how I think and feel was shaped by The Father’s plans for my life;  to quote Bethany Hamilton from Soul Surfer (1:31 seconds)

(To paraphrase and emphasize her point: “I wouldn’t want to go back and change what happened to me because, it happened for a reason, it provided a way for God to work and show His Glory….”)

Before I close for the night, here’s one more memory to share. I remember attending an Irish Wake with my Dad when I was 16. It was weird talking to the guy for whom the Wake was being presented but before he moved on to talk with another guest he said: “It’s been a pleasure talking with you…you have an amazing attitude and perspective. You’re gonna do great things.”  Well, whatever I’m gonna do in this life is really on God’s To-do list — and I’m just watching it unfold.

The very first link I included in this post was the Bethany Hamilton re-enactment. I have been led to watch several sections of this movie since March. The Father needed to remind me that though we can’t always see HOW He is working – we have to know that He is working ALL things together – to give us Hope and Purpose: (Soul Surfer RAD Night ) (1min in length)

Now, it’s time to share the finale of the movie (or at least a snippet) –   Soul Surfer – Final Wave (2:18)

(I should add that while the final wave scene is really cool in itself, the close up scene of Bethany’s face while surfing “the barrel” is pertinent as it relates to an earlier scene right after the shark attack during her emergency trip to the ER.)

 

May all of God’s Blessings be yours and May you be a Blessing unto others….

Kenzel

 

Are you STILL searching?

Please watch this lyric video…before reading the rest of message

Rise – Danny Gokey

 

The only part of the video I don’t agree with is where it says “we are small, we are insignificant.”

As a human being goes, in the picture of creation…our bodies may be small as compared to the size of the earth, planets or galaxies. But that doesn’t mean we are insignificant. In fact, scripture says quite the opposite. The Word of God says we are Called by Name by our Creator (Isaiah 43:1). I’d say that makes us anything BUT insignificant!

I started this entry with this specific video because the photos from space and the galaxies were so incredibly amazing – And so useful for what our Heavenly Father wants YOU to know.

The World is facing interesting times. There is MUCH uncertainty. It feels as if we are on shifting sand as far as both Politics and the Economy are concerned.  Men and women wonder what will happen from one moment to the next and how it will affect them?

These are all valid concerns. But maybe, there is something else we should be focusing on…something that has been forgotten. Your destiny.

 

Did you know that when you were born, you arrived with a destiny to fulfill? I’m not talking about the idea of “What do you want to be when you grew up.” I’m talking about the person God intended you to be even before the day of your birth.

Through the course of our lives, we tend to try to “figure out” where we would BEST fit in – what our skills and aptitudes are. What we’re good at. We try to do this all on our own. Sometimes even taking personality tests (in High School/College) to help “guide us.” Our parents and families will often do their best to help navigate this process as well.

Even with the best of intentions though…how well does that really work out? How many of us actually find our TRUE calling? Before you say, “Oh yeah, I’m there…doing what I’m meant to do. I like my job a lot…” that’s not what this is about.

I’m talking about whether you might actually KNOW what your God given destiny in this life really IS. As in, have your ever taken time to ask God – that question…?

 

“God, What would you have me do?

What is MY Destiny?”

A lot of you are going to likely think this sounds silly. But how many reading this, have even on the BEST of days – actually thought…”What is there? Could be MORE?”

The MORE is all about what God had intended for you to accomplish while you were alive and living – in the HereNowToday.

The point IS if You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and since God already knows the number of hairs on your head (Luke 12:7) What would it mean – FOR YOU – to find out what God already has planned for you? He knows us better than we know ourselves (Jeremiah 29:11-13).

If you are searching for more, then maybe you are searching because He is calling out to you…and saying there is:

More Than You Think waiting for you!

 

Remember to ask! Ask, SEEK, FIND!

Matthew 7: 9-13

9And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. 10For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. 11If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? 12Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? 13If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?

 

Season’s – A Time for Everything

Although I have been reluctant to post a blog for quite a while. I need to refocus. I know myself well enough to recognize that writing is the pathway for God to help me accomplish goals like this.

This whole “journey” – years ago started off with a blog and with the twists and turns of the past weeks this almost feels like something I need to do. This particular post is for me – a letter from me to The Father, in Heaven.

Father God,

I love you but as part of your carnal human creation, it’s obvious, I don’t always understand your ways. It has been decades since I was in a place such as this.

Last week I was a in a daze. I should have been more focused on the quilt but trying to focus on anything other than day to day, was just out of reach.

Earlier this week you had me go back and listen to some of The Wilderness Series messages. It was with that first video that I wondered if you were speaking right to me.

If I am in the Wilderness, if that’s what this is? Then why? I have guesses and theories but above and beyond that I have submitted to you that you are The Potter and I am the Clay. What do I need to understand? Help me to work with you so we can progress forward.

I have been in the thick of the Wilderness before…during the years after Mom and Dad died. If I am in The Wilderness, Father  – Yahveh Ahavah, please help guide me out of this as quickly as possible. You already know my thoughts – And you know this is NOT a place I want to be.  I am searching for you…in your Word, via Book of Mysteries, in prayer and praise. Thank you for giving me Isaiah 61 and Isaiah 51.

In the meantime, While I’m waiting, I will work on the quilt and other tasks at hand.

I’ll continue listening… and I know you will answer.

Scripture I was given to include:

Ecclesiates 3:1-8

Ecclesiates 3:11

 

 

 

 

The Last Reformation

I watched this movie last week.
Whatever your thoughts are about the Book of Acts or the Power of the Holy Spirit – this full length movie (1:39) is worth the time.
I had to view it in sections to watch it from beginning to end. Nevertheless, it is really cool documentary!

Revelations: God’s Plans & Purpose

When my Mom died in 1983, it caught me completely off-guard and totally unprepared.

I was 14 when we found out she had a terminal illness in February (on the 14th – Valentines Day to be exact. Maybe that’s why I have a distaste for this “holiday?”).

It was a rough 9 months to watch her waste away.

At the time of her “prognosis” I’d never been to a funeral, I’d never seen a dead person.

The first person I knew of that had died was my Grandma. I only had one G-ma I ever knew. She had passed a few years before. At the time, I was probably about 11 years old. My Dad had flown back to the funeral and I stayed home with Mom.

 

Two and a half years after I watched Mom be “laid to rest,” (in November ’83) my Dad collapsed at work.

(I hadn’t been living with him at home at the time. It is a very long story I might be able to expand on later, now is not the time. I don’t even know if this blog is the place. I am wrestling with God about how far to take this story on this blog.)

When Dad was in the hospital, I was still mourning mom’s death and completely lost. Dad’s passing was sudden. He was in ICU for about 5 days. I was 17. My world completely “shifted” at the time my Mom died, and it was about to be shifted again. This time I was being swept from a whirlwind into a hurricane. 

The day Dad died, I felt like I sank into a black hole. I was caught in a vacuum of nothingness. In hindsight, it was frightening.

Not frightening like the movie theater kind of fear, but frightening like the nightmare you have that you can’t seem to wake up from – and even once you do wake up your reality is so distorted you aren’t sure where you are! You try to make yourself stay awake, even though it would be impossible to get back to sleep. In this case, once the nightmare began for me, it lasted for over a year.

A Spiritual Search

I have been searching for answers for decades. Because God is the Creator of our souls, our minds, spirits and bodies. He knows each of us better than we know ourselves.

The fact that I am here writing is something only he could have orchestrated.

How do I know this is true? Because I survived not just my parents deaths but different forms of abuse after I was placed in the care of others (another long “memoir” story.)

Without a doubt, I know that the hand of God has been involved in my life since the start. His mighty angels surrounded me (even when I could not see them).

A fellow blogger, Dana, has been writing about surviving the death of her Dad. It was her post earlier today that prompted me to write this.

I’ve also been reading other stories of those who are currently struggling through loss and trying to handle grief. It doesn’t matter how old you are: 5 years old or 90. Having to let go of somehow you love is HARD and difficult to comprehend…let alone move forward and “thrive.”

I am going to be blunt. Grief sucks. There is an old cliche that is so overused but continues to make its rounds and that is: “time heals all wounds.”

Pardon my language, but I call “BULL!”

Time does not heal wounds. It shouldn’t! We can’t turn back the clock. God did not design time to work that way. Time MARCHES on!

Our wounds exist for a purpose, that much I have learned. Without challenge, without heartache, we learn nothing. This thought might not be “popular” but truth doesn’t seem to be nowadays.

After 30 years of praying to understand why I had to let my parents go when I did, why I’ve cried Oceans of tears each time my heart, mind, spirit and body were broken…I finally received revelation recently:

Me

“God, Why did you take my parents away from me? Why did you let me become an orphan?”

God

“Daughter, you have always been precious to me. Your parents loved you deeply. They did not want to leave you, and I shared that with you years ago. As to you why you were ‘orphaned’ – that too was part of my plan.

Though your relationship with your parents was critical during your childhood – your closeness to them would have, eventually, become your undoing. I know this doesn’t make sense right now.

The plans I had for you – the plans I have prepared for you (Jeremiah 29:11) are in place and You ARE progressing. I know you felt cheated by their death. I know your time with them FELT very short time.

However, I needed to draw you closer to ME.

I did not relish witnessing the things you went through. I was there, through it all. I have collected every tear. I have recorded every spoken word and deed, every thought. You spent High School enduring refining fires – fires that no one knew about. You walked through darkness and you have battle scars.

Crying is ok, the tears you once shed out of betrayal will now be tears that help you heal. The words you write with my leading will help others heal.

Rachel, told you that you are stronger than you know, you have heard others say this before and still a seed of doubt exists.

The truth is, I needed the events to unfold all those decades ago as they did in order to build your mind, body, soul and spirit for what IS to come.

 

Only the Strong will survive and thrive. Only those totally grounded in ME will be prepared for what lies ahead.

 

Why did your parents die so young?

Because I NEEDED you to FOCUS on me.

I needed you to not be distracted by the things of this world or by the hopes that your parents had for you.

Know this, Your experience is not and will not be wasted.

Your losses will bring others HOPE  — Watch and See.

 

I needed you to know that I am the Alpha and Omega, The First and the Last. I needed you to walk through the valleys and face the most difficult hardships to recognize that through it ALL – you would not walk alone.

You never have, you never will.

My Son and The Holy Spirit are with you.”

 

God will never leave us or forsake us. The sting of death is real but our tears, our heartache are temporary because Jesus conquered death! 

BELIEVE in Jesus and His work on the cross;

as He said, “It is Finished!”

Kenzel

 

 

 

 

 

Converging Pathways

 

I heard this song on the morning drive. I had to work really hard to keep my eyes clear (from tears) and focused on the road.

This song (Tell your Heart to Beat again) is EXACTLY where I am. This is why I have to trust God to help me write. I can’t do it alone. As confusing as my story has been, it’s starting to make more sense.

I’m not alone in the struggles I’ve faced (though the enemy would like us – YOU and I – to THINK so.)

It’s time to step into the Light of Grace. I’ve followed God’s Light it for too long and not recognized I need to claim it; it’s time to GRAB onto the hand God is holding out for me AND hold it.

Each stanza in the lyrics of this song take me to a specific time and place in my past.

A place where God was guiding my hand and leading me toward the future- toward today.

Sometimes God walks us through situations that we will only understand in hindsight.

God is amazing. He has provided me with what seems like extraordinary experiences that allowed the healing process to begin. This is a process that has happened, without my actually knowing it.

That is Grace.

But the real power of God’s Mercy is my writing about it.

God used Jesus as his divine tool to fix a broken world… But, just like Jesus sweat tears (as of blood) in Gethsemane I too have been reluctant and fighting my purpose. Without putting in my own sweat equity, the results of my healing will be limited.

It is on this pathway that He will do something far beyond healing the scrapes and bruises that have shaped ME.

He wants to use these battle scars to help others to believe: He is the Great Healer, Physician and Counselor.

So, Thank you: Linda and Andi, Peggy and Debra for those “Writing” reminders. As Mikayla said, (the day this blogging process started): God is into Restoration and Redemption. He IS Faithful.

Tell Your Heart to Beat Again – Danny Gokey

 

With God,

Everything is possible.

With God,

Everything Matters.

 

Blessings to All!

– Kenzel

Memoir Excerpt: ICU

I looked on the floor and noticed a college ruled spiral notebook staring up at me. At the top I had written:

 

Matthew 11:28

March 1987 – Evening

 

I read through the “journal-style writing.”

I did not write this in 1987, I’d written this within the past 5-10 years. I’ve never felt led to share any part of what I have written towards the memoir on this blog, until now.

 

Matthew 11:28-30 New Living Translation (NLT)

28 Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. 29 Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30 For my yoke is easy to bear, and the burden I give you is light.”

 

Maybe by presenting a snippet of the story here, it will allow me to continue the journey and face the work ahead.

 

————————————-

Scene

I walked into the ICU, dazed and numb. I stood next to the bed, staring at my Dad. This seemingly strong, determined, “can-do” anything 59 year old man was laying in a hospital room. Attached to his sturdy, yet earthly frame were a myriad of tubes and life support systems.

Watching him breath in and out, and seeing the machines monitor his body made me cringe and tremble…

 

“Dad, don’t go. Stay here, please! I need you. You’re all I have left. I can’t lose you, too. We still have a few tennis games to play on the court. You’re my coach…I don’t want another. I’m not ready to give up yet. And I’ve barely gotten to know you. I need more time. It’s too soon.”

 

I prayed over him. I asked God to give me a miracle. To bring him back. I leaned against the gurney and watched him breathe. Looking at his chest move up and down. Waiting. Asking him to open his eyes. Touching his hand, asking him to squeeze it and tell me he could hear me.

I yearned to give him a hug. I leaned my head against his arm and cried.

_________________________________________

 

I don’t think I’ve cried about that moment since it happened back in 1986. It is just as real today as it was when it happened that night.

But God is good and that is why I am sharing this excerpt, here and now. This is my “free write” time as I get ready to dive in and allow God to do what He does best. Make something beautiful out of all these ashes.

Blessings,

Kenzel