Tag Archive | mother’s day

Mother’s Day: Confession & Letters

Confession:

In the last 48 hours, I’ve realizedhow self-centered a daughter I was / I’ve been.

I’ve gained painful insight into what it means to “release” in The Spirit in the last three days.

So, if y’all will indulge me, there are a couple of people I owe some messages of acknowledgement to.


Marla, If you ever read this, Thank you.

I want to publicly Thank you.

The first time I heard your song on Friday, “I See You Smiling” my mouth dropped, gaping in shock.

I listened to it again moments later. My daughter was sitting next to me. I re-started your recording and started to cry…then I cried harder. My daughter held me.

I don’t know if it was the melody or the lyrics or both that prompted my emotional response but I recall this conversational exchange:

As I listened to the lyrics in Marla’s song, thoughts poured in and words in grief and sorrow that I never considered flowed out of my mouth. Until now, I’d never realized my mourning process was incomplete:

 

“In all these years, I’ve never been able to see Mom in Heaven.”

(Reflecting) I have never been able to get past my own selfish abandonment and I have asked God a decades worth of why’s!!”

(When you are a child, overwhelmed by sorrow – When no one seems to care and you don’t fit into any category because no one can relate to you. How do you sustain?)

Hidden sadness gushed out as tear drops began to cascade. I paused long enough mid-sentence and ran for tissues….”Oh God, I can’t cry. No, not now.”

“Mom, why not?”

“I have to be strong. Tears make me look weak.”

“Mom you’re crying because you’re human.”


Dear Mom,

I miss you and I realize I always will. There is no way I can’t. But I have been unfair to you. In all these years, I have never been willing to release you back to God. I figured if I held on to you tightly, both in memory and spirit, I wouldn’t have to let go. But if I don’t let go, neither one of us is really free.

Your purpose on earth was completed a long time ago. That’s just the way it is. I know you loved me. And I want you to know, I loved you so, so much. I didn’t get to adequately tell you that during your lifetime, but I’m certain you know it, now. I ask you to forgive me for all the big and small things that hurt you and I forgive myself for not wising up sooner.

Thank you for giving me Life.

Thank you for showing me God’s Love.

Thank you for demonstrating perseverance.

Mother’s Day may not have meaning in Heaven, but nonetheless, “Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.” I will carry the best parts of you with me from here into Eternity. 

I release you into God’s presence. You are His.

Thank You, Elohim, for Blessing me with a woman who Loved you and lived life with your Word written on her heart, in her soul and permeated her Spirit.

 


I pray that others who are struggling through this Weekend without a Mother will feel comfort through this as well…

I See You Smiling

 

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Mother’s Day: Not Forgotten

I was ready to bypass a Mother’s Day post altogether. But – in God’s true character -he wasn’t about to let that happen.

Today, I went to see the movie God’s Not Dead 2.

This sequel blew me away! It has been on my mind since I left the auditorium, which was a good thing. The main character faced an enemy with a hidden agenda; to steal, kill and destroy.

It’s the very reason why Ephesians 6:10-18 is so important.

This afternoon, the enemy began his crafty schemes. Reminding me that MY mom is gone and has been for decades – he was set on making me feel inferior and inadequate and twisting truth.

About this time I had gone to sit outside and looked up at the sky. I remember thinking, “Lord, where are you? Don’t forget me..”

His response was so fast, “I have not forgotten you.”

In that moment, he lifted the carnal sting of Mother’s Day. I knew I had allowed myself to think as the world does and put more stock in a single “holiday” on the calendar than in the promises of My Savior. Fortunately, his Grace provided relief rather than shame.

He reminded me that my life is not dictated by how the world celebrates. I was not designed to measure myself by those factors because the world’s standards are limited compared to his position in time and space.

This Sunday is the Lord’s Day. It just so happens to also be Mother’s Day. As far as I’m concerned it is perfect, because it is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it (Psalm 118:24). I have a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11). I trust that Jesus won’t forsake me and is always there ready to listen and comfort.

For ALL Motherless children reading this – may God Bless you with his Peace and wrap you in arms of love.

That is exactly the kind of love this Mom needs.

Blessings,

Kenzel

“Mother’s” Day: A Mother-less Daughter perspective

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I wish each and every Mother out there reading this, a really wonderful day. A day full of blessings and “not to be forgotten” memories.

I pray that you are blessed and are able to spend some portion of this weekend (if not this Sunday) with your family or friends that you enjoy sharing time with.

 

But for me, this particular weekend has had to take a back seat from my “calendar” of emotions for 31 years now.

Christmas, Thanksgiving and (especially) Mother’s Day are still hard for me. As much as I’ve worked over the years to “toughen up” it only gets modestly easier.

The sting of remembering Mom on Mother’s Day just takes me back to the months preceding her death and most especially the week of her passing

 

The simple truth is…I only spent 14 years at my mother’s side. Inhumanely short by any standard. Although, I guess that might be more time than others(Forgive me if this is the case.)

Every one of us has the best Mom in the world. Or a mother figure that we identify with, someone that holds a special place in our heart.

Someone that loved us unconditionally. No questions asked. Just because we are/were.

This Mother’s Day I will enjoy the basics of the “present”….it will be less about the over-hyped, over-priced, over-commercialized societal norms of “celebrating.”

I will enjoy the moments of simple conversation, and appreciate the smiles and laughter of those around me.

And I will shift my focus and recall my Mom gazing at me in wonder, watching her make homemade noodles, driving with her in the car across town, going to church on Sundays.

I will try to remember Everything..I will struggle and strain to remember all the little things, all the big things. I miss her voice.

and finally how she relished sitting on the couch and either sewing or reading her bible.

And like her I will find myself doing some of the same things she enjoyed;

by living in the moment, loving and appreciating God’s creation, writing, creating one-of-a-kind embroidered designs, Shining The Light digging into scripture.

I yearn to be a shining light to others, the shining light she was to me.

To spark a fire that kindles other souls…souls that are hungry and thirst for truth, knowledge and wisdom.

Yes, it’s Mother’s Day weekend…but honestly, it doesn’t have to be Mother’s Day for me to want to celebrate who my Mom was – every day of the year. Even now….

 

So, I dedicate this space, this blog post to all the Mom’s, ladies and girls whose Mom’s are no longer here. And I want to share with

you the names of some movies I’ve watched in the past that as a Mother-less daughter have really resonated deep down within me.

That doesn’t mean they aren’t difficult to watch…or re-watch, if you will:

Steel Magnolias

October Baby

Terms of Endearment

Mrs. Doubtfire

The BlindSide

Beaches

The Parent Trap

(and please feel free to add what your favorite “Mother’s Day” style movies are to the comments section)

 

“I’m no longer a lost sheep; because I have a shepherd watching over me.”

 

Thank you for making His presence so real to me Mom. Thank you for showing me what trust, faith and grace should look like.

 

 

I am so thankful the Newsboys produced this song…it is so timely.

And I will see you again, Mom. I miss you – so very much!

 

For all Mother’s Everywhere…Have a Happy and Joyous Mother’s Day weekend!

Keeping The Fire of Faith Alive,

-Kenzel