Tag Archive | Trusting GOD

Mother’s Day: Not Forgotten

I was ready to bypass a Mother’s Day post altogether. But – in God’s true character -he wasn’t about to let that happen.

Today, I went to see the movie God’s Not Dead 2.

This sequel blew me away! It has been on my mind since I left the auditorium, which was a good thing. The main character faced an enemy with a hidden agenda; to steal, kill and destroy.

It’s the very reason why Ephesians 6:10-18 is so important.

This afternoon, the enemy began his crafty schemes. Reminding me that MY mom is gone and has been for decades – he was set on making me feel inferior and inadequate and twisting truth.

About this time I had gone to sit outside and looked up at the sky. I remember thinking, “Lord, where are you? Don’t forget me..”

His response was so fast, “I have not forgotten you.”

In that moment, he lifted the carnal sting of Mother’s Day. I knew I had allowed myself to think as the world does and put more stock in a single “holiday” on the calendar than in the promises of My Savior. Fortunately, his Grace provided relief rather than shame.

He reminded me that my life is not dictated by how the world celebrates. I was not designed to measure myself by those factors because the world’s standards are limited compared to his position in time and space.

This Sunday is the Lord’s Day. It just so happens to also be Mother’s Day. As far as I’m concerned it is perfect, because it is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it (Psalm 118:24). I have a purpose (Jeremiah 29:11). I trust that Jesus won’t forsake me and is always there ready to listen and comfort.

For ALL Motherless children reading this – may God Bless you with his Peace and wrap you in arms of love.

That is exactly the kind of love this Mom needs.

Blessings,

Kenzel

Breaking Chains: Burying Memories

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My 3rd writing day and I’m getting a late start. Not letting that stop me though.

I’ve finally dressed.

I made myself put on make up today.

Eyeliner, eye shadow and lipstick.

I do want to take this moment to Praise God, because the last two days of writing memoir scenes has been liberating.

It was the Holy Spirit’s words from last week that finally hit me; I just needed time to process his message:

 


HS: Why are you putting yourself through this?

Your avoidance is a misuse of energy & it’s breaking you down!

Fight through it!

Write it out, writing through it will be much easier than what you are living WITH

You are hoping this will go away on its own.

Your past is yours. OWN it!

Your God is Creator but you are the CREATED.

Re-write the Wrongs! He’ll do his part, but YOU need to do yours.

You’re making this more difficult than the process would be if you sat down and finished it.

 


I have doubted that what I have to say will be of benefit to anyone. However, this week, I had a fellow Christian author read two of my scenes. I’m grateful I did. I’m grateful God directed me to her.

It is encouraging when someone tells you to keep going. When you hear that what you’ve written is both important and good writing. But, I should have known that already. The Lord has been hounding me to do this for a while.

This morning I ran across a blog post written by a woman about death. It just so happens that at least one or two scenes in this manuscript will have to focus on loss and death.

It is a brutal topic. Brutal, because none of us really wants to face it but a critical topic because none of us can escape it.

I am blogging at this moment as a form of procrastination but also because in the writer’s world a blank page is static. I needed to get words flowing and build momentum.

No, I don’t want to write about those memories. No, I really don’t want to end up sobbing today – like I did as I wrote the last two days.

But the reality is I HAVE to. The longer I put this off, the more difficult it becomes. Three decades of wishing pain away is long enough.

I don’t want to look my 15 year old self in the mirror. I don’t want to see what I looked like the day I buried my mother.

And yet, the two scenes I wrote in the last 48 hours were crucial. They allowed God to help me break chains of bondage. Something I didn’t know was possible. Something that is of more worth than Gold.

So, I’m going to trust God, that as He has directed, he knows what is best.

I write to release and break chains that have kept me tethered…I write to surrender my soul to My Savior.

 

Blessings to you & Be a Blessing to others,

Kenzel

Searching For Christmas: A Letter to Mom

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Dear Mom,

I don’t know why God put it on my heart to write to you this morning.

I guess ’cause in hindsight, yesterday was a Monday and I didn’t “Armor Up” the way I should have. Yes, I took it to God at the end of the day.

But I find myself tearing me down, even though I know I’m supposed to be forgiven.

Is this what you felt like every time you stumbled?

I remember you always told me when I was little I could talk to you about anything. And as I recall, I did.

I miss that. I miss you.

Although I manage to stumble through Mothers Day, Christmas feels 10x harder. Even with two awesome kids. It seems like I shouldn’t feel this way.

Christmas is about Joy and Peace and a Prophecy of Promise. But with this Shemitah year, it seems like a roller coaster ride on “steroids!” And you know I am NOT fond of roller coasters!

Christmas, the holiday, is the time of the year I fell in love with, largely because of you. God may have given us a Baby to save our Eternal Souls but He gave each of us a Mom to hold, hug, and turn to when the World wasn’t kind.

I really don’t want to go on and on. I don’t want to blubber my way through this. So, I am going to find my way back to my original goal. To let you know something that feels really important today, to tell you “several something’s” – even though you left this world behind decades ago:

I Love You.

I’m so glad I was your daughter.

As little as I remember about you, I know I am becoming more like you everyday. I can feel that in my Soul.

Besides my Creator, you were my biggest fan, my cheerleader and the wind beneath my wings.

Without you, there would not have been a me.

I know you wanted to stay here with me and watch me grow from your baby girl into a young woman. I guess God figured He had that covered. Whatever His purpose or plans for my life …like you, I trust in Him.

God is GOOD, ALL the time. And. God is ALWAYS GOOD.

My search for Christmas goes on. Even if it’s tucked away, I know God will lead me to it.

God Bless each of you. There is a Hope to be found that will bring us what we need! Just ask and it will be given to you (Matthew 7:7)

Blessings,

-Kenzel

Timeliness

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My last post was 10 days ago. I feel really “blog parched.”

I was on assignment. I wrote. Tough writing.

I faced my worst fears from the past (at least some of them.)

I promise you, it wasn’t pretty.

That being said, Nanowrimo ended today. The goal was to write 50 thousand words in 30 days.

I fell short of 20k, by 3 words.

F-A-I-L-U-R-E

But then I went to Church today. And I learned about someone I’d never heard of. Mephiboseth.

And I cried.

I am Mephiboseth. Maybe you are, too? Maybe we all are!

The more I read the word, the more I identify with so many of these legendary people.

These people weren’t so different that you or me.

And here we can read about them.

Learn about them, study them and understand what we should be doing!

They had fears. They had joys. They loved and they mourned.

What they didn’t have, they didn’t necessarily need.

But what God wanted them to have, He gave them and gave them plenty!

KNOW This

God is Good. He is my provider. He is my ROCK.

I probably could feel crushed by not having completed the 50k word WORLDLY Nano goal.

But, I won’t. Because I know God’s not done yet.

He’s watched me grow the last 3 weeks. He’s dried tears. He’s typed words for me when I knew I couldn’t

Maybe His plan wasn’t for me to finish, because it’s not my time to be there yet.

I’ve come to realize we learn the most when we are still, and yet remain focused on Him.

His message to me over the last few weeks was that I needed to start healing; it’s imperative.

So, the lesson I learned this month is summed up well by this inspirational meme:

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I am on the road to becoming just who God wants me to be. That is the only strength I need.

Maybe His message to me, to us, is that even if change is scary it’s important. We don’t grow unless we do.

Sometimes we have to #Shake things up a bit to discover who we are!

May you be Blessed this week and feel God’s love surround you!

-Kenzel

 

My Prophetic Reality – Where Future & Truth collide

 

 

“Training Day” on the WATER Continues

I stood lakeside on the dock. My life jacket on, awaiting instruction. I remember looking down at the dock when “it” passed through my internal field of vision:

Someone fell into water.

 

I didn’t think much about it; except, I really HOPED something like that wouldn’t happen to me!!

 

 

The day before had been experience enough. I’d managed to successfully tip a canoe in the water and “hurl” myself back in. I’d also managed to learn that God doesn’t want me to make my fears BIGGER than HE is. Though I learned that lesson, it’s going to take some time for the concept to “sink in.”

I know YOU and I both have fears. Fears that [are] unfounded; whether rational or not.

 

My instructor Mike had told me (after the incident, during dinner) that what happened had effectively put my body in a state of shock. More to the point, I was experiencing a mild form of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).

I’m embarrassed for even admitting that. But in hindsight, I get it. The mind is a powerful tool. But our ability to trust GOD as well as use the tools HE has given us can make the power work either IN OUR FAVOR or against us.

 

When it was happening the day before, I didn’t want to believe I might be experiencing “shock.” Not that I would have even recognized what it looked like. I was fine, alive, breathing and “normal.” At least, that’s what I thought. But normal doesn’t quite cut it when I recall how and what went on. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, check out my last post, “Canoe Part 2: With God in the Muck”

I tell the full story of a silly fear that turned into a real life lesson.

Onward.

 

The day before I’d passed two of the weekend’s three objectives:

  • Tipping a boat
  • recovering MYSELF out of the water and
  • helping to rescue another person out of the water.

 

This day, we needed to be able to take a canoe, tip it, “sink” it, empty it, recover it out of the water and get it ready for re-entry.

Simple.

Yeah – REAL- Simple.

Mike took us through the motions of what to do, how it looked and tons of encouragement. As a side note, the canoes aren’t all THAT heavy by themselves (empty of water). But they are a bit awkward and bulky. Not complaining, just sayin’.

I was still really excited for the challenge, I just decided I didn’t want to go first. You could say my nerves were still rattled and my confidence shaken.

My teammate jumped in the water and I helped her steady and sink the boat she needed to recover.

Sinking is easy. Trying to “right” the boat: turn and twist it to empty it and leverage it? Not easy, but not impossible.

(Here’s some advice. Upper body strength and arm muscles are a PLUS. If you already aren’t working out with weights – now might be a good time.)

The first time, we got no where and had to start all over. (And I thought Day One would be our biggest challenge…)

Melissa started over and I was ready to help her through the motions.

The “rescue” canoe was turned, emptied and flipped…I went to “grab” the edge of the canoe out of the water and help pull it (leverage it) over the one I was still sitting in.

I forgot to stay centered in the canoe….and low. I partially stood up and attempted to lean over and grab the edge of the canoe.

As soon as I touched the canoe and began pulling it up….

 

Everything. Went. Wrong….

 

The canoe I was in responded to the uneven pressure of my body weight. My upper body swayed the boat and my body swayed against it and OUT from UNDER me.

I literally reached out to grab the water as I hit the surface (no joke) and I yelled “NO!” simultaneously. Thankfully the water was still warm.

I rose to the surface gagging for air. And once I spit out all the lake water, I started laughing (I think).

As luck would have it, I was semi centrally located in the lake. But the wind had easily carried the boat we were to rescue toward a different area of “muck” that someone else had to retrieve. Now, we had two people in the water and two empty boats. It made for an additional challenge to finish our training. It was hard work. It was also exhilarating, which probably sounds crazy.

I’m not sure when I’ve ever had more fun. I was working with 5 of the best people I’ve ever met. The level of teamwork that weekend was extraordinary.

I’d spent more than a year scared of taking this class head-on. Who knew that I’d create so many awesome memories and learn as much as I did?

The strangest thing happened though as we closed out the day. I was back in the canoe and aiming for shore. But God had one more surprise up HIS “sleeve.”

He provided a defining moment, quite unceremoniously (I might add) that still JuST BLOWS my mind.

Utterly. Completely. Period.

I saw the image cross through my internal vision again of a

person falling in the water out of a canoe.

 

He showed me the replay: Of ME falling in the lake.

He’d given me a prophetic vision of myself.

 

I hadn’t recognize it at first. But it’s funny how HE works. I already knew the water was warm. I’d already been “tested” in the muck. The only thing I hadn’t done yet was tip my canoe without even trying. It wasn’t a class requirement but HE just wanted to have a little fun with me: In this case, “His WILL be done.”

As I continue blogging, reading scripture and praying; GOD continues to feed my soul with bits and pieces of HIS glory. As I indulge HIS calls to listen and hear, to open my eyes and watch HE simultaneously feeds my internal fire for wisdom, truth and clarity. Rather than running from HIM and fearing HIS power I’m giving in and allowing HIM to shape and mold me.

Suffice it to say, this prophetic incident was no accident. A “few moons” ago I started praying for God to give me “visions.”

I mean the bible talks about HIS people having blessings of visions and dreams poured out on them as we approach the Day of the Lord’s return. (Acts 2:17)

I’ve heard others talk of prophetic stuff, but I really don’t want to be a prophet. I don’t think have the “chops” for it. That also doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mind seeing visions or dreams or have a sense of what they’re like.

And then to have it happen —-

Granted, it was totally embarrassing.

But HE turned embarrassment into something absolutely beautiful:

I could laugh at myself.

I was laughing with God.

I learned GOD has a great sense of humor…it made me LOVE HIM even more.

He wanted to give me a simple introduction to the prophetic. But something that wouldn’t overwhelm me. Something that I wouldn’t understand or identify at first but would make perfect sense in the hours afterward.

Looking back it’s actually very cool. To see what HE sees through HIS eyes. He showed me what I look like and HOW much HE loves me. He showed me I don’t need to be confused (even if I feel it most of the time).

He also showed me the dynamics of a prophetic vision:

  • It’s intentional.
  • It has merit.
  • It has a message.

It’s also usually personal either about you or for your benefit or knowledge.

And finally to understand that a prophetic vision is distinctly different from a dream.

Prophetic will happen, it will come to pass.

A dream is something that could be prophetic but may not be.

But only through discernment can we understand the difference.

And if it’s from GOD…He will speak to us and make the message CLEAR.