This was previously published on my sister blog as Innocence Abducted. Please be aware…the contents of this post is very delicate and deals with abuse and how the enemy works. I am to make you aware of this upfront for anyone who might wish to stop reading.
At this point in time…as each of us looks back on our lives – those who have committed themselves to walking the road with Christ probably realize by now that none of us has a Testimony without being “tested.”
You might be asking – Why would I want to share this story?
Well, it isn’t my first preference. But there are two things I can tell you: 1) God expects obedience and He directed me to share this here 2) Someone that reads this blog (or will read this blog) needs to read this, and 3) a friend and talented author and writer here on WP, Parker J Cole, once told me that the only way to defeat the darkness is to Shine The Light on it — Hmm, Shine The Light….
Interesting to note, that is exactly what we are told in the Gospel of John 1:5 (And the Light Shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehended it not) which was how this blog got its title to begin with. From the get-go I was directed to speak forth His Words and in doing so He would provide encouragement and hope to others.
To top it off, The Father surprised me this morning and directed me to start writing the follow up story to this. That is something I have long avoided. My understanding is writing that story will provide healing – and not just for me but to several people awaiting deliverance.
Thank you LORD for your Shalom and May His Blessings surround each of you as you walk the road He has called you to.
Memories are amazing things, making up the essence of who we are.
40 plus years ago, I was a 6 year old minding my own business at a City Park near Tacoma. Four decades might seem like a very long time to recall a memory, but memories that burn emotional holes, that linger psychologically long enough to tear you apart – need to be told, shared and learned from.
It’s only because of God’s Grace that I am here and it’s out of obedience that I write this. The following, while not explicit deals with HEAVY subject matter. The words I have been given to describe what happened will likely make some very uncomfortable.
Still, writing this is necessary, because somewhere out there, the girls who were suffering likely haven’t been able to let it go either. There are girls and boys today, somewhere going through this RIGHT now.
To ALL girls and boys reading this, to the women and men who have survived into adulthood – I write this for ALL of us. This is not the only story I have to share but the only story that The Father helped me write and is acceptable to post today. Those who have been victimized by sexual predators and JUST survived are only living the shadow of a life they were given…well it is now time to emerge from the shadows and become the Child of God: healed, loved and worthy that He designed, destined and created us for.
This is OUR day and time to RISE.
And now for the Testimony…
The Seattle – Tacoma area offers some of its best weather during the summer months. It’s the best time of the year to be outdoors.
My Dad regularly brought me with him to watch my brother play his tennis matches. I was just beginning to learn the sport and expected to tag along since Mom was managing the motel.
This particular day, the park we were at had public courts, grassy fields and a children’s playground.
It was generally fun to watch his competitions, I looked up to him and admired his on-court abilities. He possessed a gift and talent for the game. Even at age six, I hoped I could have a fraction of his on court skills; not to mention his success.
Although we had a swing-set at home, I got restless watching his match about half way through. As my eyes started to wander, the swings were calling my name. “Dad, could I go play over there?” and pointed their direction. “Ok, just don’t go anywhere else and make sure you stay within my eyesight.”
I loved swings and being on one made me feel like a bird flying through the air. I could have stayed on a swing all day, probably not unlike most Kindergartners.
Moments after I took my seat, I noticed a man off to the side, leaning against playground equipment, watching me. Of course, he was sizing me and the situation up.
As he gradually approached, he started talking to me. Truth be told, I really don’t remember this portion of the conversation. But, whatever he said, I eventually slowed my swing to a stop and walked across the playground toward the parking lot.
Understand that the swings were still in full view of the tennis court bleachers. I looked over and saw them (thinking I was still “fine”) – however, the parking lot was opposite the bleachers and partially obscured by the gates around the tennis courts.
The man opened the driver’s side door of his car, got in and closed it. I walked up to the door and because he’d rolled his window down was able to lean against it, with my arms across the window shaft.
As he calmly conversed, he went from just sitting in his seat and talking to me to having unbuttoned/unzipped his pants and sitting uncovered. He was holding something in his hands. I didn’t know what he was doing. He described the children (little girls) he had at home waiting for him to bring a new friend to play with. “House” was their favorite game. About this time, as I watched and listened to him, something came oozing out of his hand. Well, it came oozing and he caught it with the other. Then, he reached over for a tissue or cloth and cleaned it up. He kept talking and said he was certain his girls would love my company. His house wasn’t far away, either. He could take me over there now, if I wanted.
I paused, not really knowing what to say. I was just hoping I wouldn’t have to get any closer to the goo I had just seen him wipe off his fingers. Honestly, although vegetables looked gross, this was worse.
“Kenzel, time to go.” Dad’s voice called me from the sidewalk behind the man’s car. I looked over to see Dad walking toward me.
The man had just spent the last five minutes (or more) inviting me over to the house to “play with the girls.” While I am and have been grieved for years that this man needed a child to get his “adrenaline high” while my innocent mind was scorched the fact that I was mostly transfixed (in a trance) by his manipulation, likely saved my life. I also believe the Holy Spirit was there with me placing me in a sort of dazed trance to slow down his intentions and give my Dad a fighting chance to save me.
Having heard my Dad’s voice at that moment, I was able to honestly say, “No, thanks anyway, My Dad’s calling me. I need to go.” I promptly walked away.
Once we were in the car, I know my Dad asked me what I’d been up to and I’m sure the conversation in the car brought any talk of my brother’s tennis match to a screaming halt. My brother didn’t say much and there didn’t seem to be much conversation in the car.
Things got weird when we got home, though. Mom and Dad sequestered me in the family room and gently tried to pry all the details from me. It was one of the most awful talks we’d ever had. Although I had no reason to be scared, I was frightened beyond belief. Every minute I switched from sitting on my Mom’s lap to sitting on my Dad’s lap. I clearly still remember the photographic pictures in my mind from that day. From before the abduction attempt started to the hours after. The conversations also remain, though some of what was said remains “blurred.”
This bad dream is more than 40 years old. It started the moment that guy targeted me for abduction and molestation. 40 years later, the experience has not left me. But I am now about to heal from it…
There isn’t a moment that goes by that I don’t wonder about those “little girls” he spoke of. Were they real or a ploy? Had he molested (or raped) them daily? How long had they been captive? What sort of lies had he told them to manipulate his will?
After Mom and Dad talked with me, the last thing I remember was hearing my Dad describe what I had shared with him. He was on the phone, placing a police report. I felt bad and guilty.
I know that I was victimized by a man who needed help. Yes, I survived. I came home – physically.
Unfortunately, the price of this “short term” event left roots of damage. 40 years later, it’s time to confront it. I will no longer harbor this defilement, because I know I am not alone and because I HAVE Kingdom Authority.
I was not abducted physically, but because the enemy hates children he now had a toe-hold on my soul. I might not have been physically damaged but he abducted me psychologically. I’ve been paying for it ever since. And now I’m through.
So, here is my message to my “Abductor:”
You successfully infringed on the mind and psyche of an innocent child. I don’t know who you are. I don’t know if you’re dead or alive. But I have a message for you:
I forgive you.
You may not think you need to be forgiven, but I need to forgive you
So I can also forgive myself.
Your sin against me, your perversity has kept me in chains since that ill-fated day. But I won’t allow you to keep me locked up anymore. By forgiving you, I give you a chance to seek redemption and I AM cleansed by the Righteousness of Jesus (Yahushua Hamaschiach.)
I AM FREE
Freedom comes at a cost and Jesus already paid that price for me.
Yes, God, I need to heal.
Every child; Every Man and Woman who has been “touched” by the deeds of someone with perverse will and intent – needs to heal.
Please, God (Yahuveh Ahava) Help US Heal.
Thank you and I claim your healing for all that ask it of YOU — IN JESUS NAME, Amen.
“Fear Not for I AM with you” – Isaiah 41:10
“He heals the broken and binds up their wounds” Psalm 147:3
“I am making everything new! Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true” Revelation 21:5
I wrote the bulk of the above letter probably a couple of years ago. I remembered having written it but not having printed it. I just found the printed version in the last couple of days (September 2017).