Searching For Christmas: A Letter to Mom

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Dear Mom,

I don’t know why God put it on my heart to write to you this morning.

I guess ’cause in hindsight, yesterday was a Monday and I didn’t “Armor Up” the way I should have. Yes, I took it to God at the end of the day.

But I find myself tearing me down, even though I know I’m supposed to be forgiven.

Is this what you felt like every time you stumbled?

I remember you always told me when I was little I could talk to you about anything. And as I recall, I did.

I miss that. I miss you.

Although I manage to stumble through Mothers Day, Christmas feels 10x harder. Even with two awesome kids. It seems like I shouldn’t feel this way.

Christmas is about Joy and Peace and a Prophecy of Promise. But with this Shemitah year, it seems like a roller coaster ride on “steroids!” And you know I am NOT fond of roller coasters!

Christmas, the holiday, is the time of the year I fell in love with, largely because of you. God may have given us a Baby to save our Eternal Souls but He gave each of us a Mom to hold, hug, and turn to when the World wasn’t kind.

I really don’t want to go on and on. I don’t want to blubber my way through this. So, I am going to find my way back to my original goal. To let you know something that feels really important today, to tell you “several something’s” – even though you left this world behind decades ago:

I Love You.

I’m so glad I was your daughter.

As little as I remember about you, I know I am becoming more like you everyday. I can feel that in my Soul.

Besides my Creator, you were my biggest fan, my cheerleader and the wind beneath my wings.

Without you, there would not have been a me.

I know you wanted to stay here with me and watch me grow from your baby girl into a young woman. I guess God figured He had that covered. Whatever His purpose or plans for my life …like you, I trust in Him.

God is GOOD, ALL the time. And. God is ALWAYS GOOD.

My search for Christmas goes on. Even if it’s tucked away, I know God will lead me to it.

God Bless each of you. There is a Hope to be found that will bring us what we need! Just ask and it will be given to you (Matthew 7:7)

Blessings,

-Kenzel

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